Friday, June 22, 2007

FRIDAY FUNNIES










Grimmy


THANKS ALAN AND CAROL!!!

22 comments:

DEN said...

Rumor has it that GITMO is closing.

Apparently it is too high profile and the prisoners will be shipped off to undisclosed locations(read CIA renditioning).

Out of sight, out of mind.

DEN said...

Something is up.

About 30 members of the Duluth-based 148th Fighter Wing are expected to be dispatched todayfor a short term stint involving domestic security.

Lt. Col. Mark Vavra of the 148th said the Air National Guard members are fighter pilots and support personnel, such as mechanics.

He said some of them were likely among the 350 148th members who served in Iraq earlier this year. Most of those members’ tours were around 45 days. This time, the members will serve between two and four weeks.

“Relative to what they’ve accomplished, this should be pretty quick,” Vavra said.

Vavra said the 148th members are serving as part of Operation Noble Eagle, the moniker given to domestic security efforts in the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.

He couldn’t say where they’d be serving other than that they’re reporting to the southeastern U.S.

@ Duluth News Tribune

Something fishy here in the Land-O-Lakes. and in the SE US.

DEN said...

Well the flying rock made it back to Earth safely, STS-117, Atlantis

carey said...

That's always good news about the shuttle. This has been a scary one and probably a wake-up call to Nasa about the Space Station.

Yes, I heard Obermann last night about Gitmo! Then, I saw a blurb saying the prisoners might be sent to Afghanistan out of the corner of my eye. I think that's just conjecture, though. Fer sure dudes, I think it's happenin'.

Okay, I'm going outside to play. It's just too gorgeous to pass up. I've done all my man (and lady's) chores. Brandon's at the beach with friends. It'll be soon that icky weather is upon us. We've had such a lovely, long Spring.

Note to Dr. B:

When I come in I'm going to post a brief article that you might be interested in.

One more thing:

Carol, you are so darned cute. I read from earlier in the week how you couln't bring up the cool vidz. You are soooo me. It is NOT embarrassing!. It's charming.

DEN said...

Wanted; commenter's for blog, must have and be able to use brain for something besides an ear spacer.

Repugs or dumb asses need not apply.

Resident commenter's must approve of course.

No trolls!

Apply by stating qualifications and why you should be able to comment and not be deleted.

DEN said...

CNN reported Thursday that the Secret Service expects President Bush to be "a high value terrorist target after he leaves office."

So? No loss!

DEN said...

OK looks like everyone is busy so I will seek and post humor.

Be right back.

.

DEN said...

"New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has quit the Republican Party and has become an Independent. Bloomberg says he has no plans to be president. Now don't confuse that with President Bush, who has no plans as president." --Jay Leno

"In a campaign ad that's a spoof of the big 'Sopranos' finale, Hillary Clinton plays the part of Tony Soprano in the diner. Anybody know the difference between Hillary Clinton and Tony Soprano? See, Tony Soprano goes to the strip club to get away from his spouse. Hillary Clinton goes to the strip club to find her spouse" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, big announcement. Senator Clinton picked the winning campaign song during this clever parody of 'The Sopranos' finale. Clever, of course, because it compares the Clintons to a notorious crime family. ... Parody? Or is that what they call in the business, 'getting ahead of the story?'" --Jon Stewart

"Have you seen this new video on YouTube with this attractive, sexy girl is singing the song 'I Got a Crush on Obama'? It was made by some of Barack Obama's fans. ... Well, now there's another one called 'I've Got a Crush on John Edwards,' which is being sung by John Edwards." --Jay Leno

"Kind of a scandal brewing for presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani. ... Yesterday, a top aide to Rudy Giuliani was busted for possessing and distributing cocaine. When asked about it, Giuliani said, 'Cocaine? I asked him to get me Rogaine'" --Conan O'Brien

"Do you know who's being suggested as the next Commissioner of Baseball after he leaves office? President Bush. He's a big baseball fan. President Bush, Commissioner of Baseball? And you thought the games would never end now." --Jay Leno

"According to USA Today -- this is why Congress has such a low approval rating -- 72 members of Congress have given over $5 million of campaign money to relatives or companies owned by relatives. There is now a bill in Congress that would ban nepotism in politics. President Bush says he will sign it ... as soon as he runs it past his dad and brother Jeb." --Jay Leno

"It has been reported that Barack Obama's Secret Service code name is 'Renegade.' Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is still using her old Secret Service name 'Ballbuster.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush was in Albania. He thought he was going to Albany. Anyway, he ended up in Albania ... and somebody stole his watch. Bush is upset. He is really angry. He said he now has no choice but to bomb Iran." --David Letterman

"'Rudy's promises to America.' Yes, Rudolph Giuliani always keeps his promises, unless he makes them to you as you're marrying him" --Jon Stewart

"Presidential candidate Tommy Thompson ... gave a major campaign speech yesterday. A major speech to let everyone know he is not dropping out of the race ... and he is entering the Iowa straw poll and he intends to win it. And then the kid at the McDonald's drive-thru said, 'You want fries, Mr.?'" --Jay Leno


Theres some to keep you busy,

I'll be back with more.

DEN said...

Choosing A Wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more a attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large, elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

.

DEN said...

Mark Fiore for you flash cartoon fans, it's a hoot!

DEN said...

OH! OH! JIB JAB joke of the day, bwaaaaaa!

DEN said...

Hey so there ya go, more funny stuff to laugh at to keep you from crying.

It is Friday Funnies after all.

If you missed it, it's your loss.

The finest in Net humor, by the finest blogger on the Net, whether anyone reads it or not.

HA!

.

David B. Benson said...

Alan --- With regard to Feedback on PhysOrgForum, kindly return the compliment. (This is occassioned by newton's and eigenvalue's unjustified negative ratings.)

Carey said...

Den mentioned the Secret Service and reminded me of one of the items on Waxman's list in his letter. Cheney actually denied the National Security Archives (THE regulators of executive security) a list of the guests coming and going from his residence.

OMG! Do you believe that?

The CIA is revealing juicy stuff! This is going to be interesting. All the stories we've heard and knew were true will now be validated like Allende's overthrow. We don't really know how he died. One figures it was suicide as hundreds of tanks and armies were coming down on him. He was going to die anyway, so in essense, we killed him. And the piece de resistance, all the attempted Castro assasinations.

Now for the article I promised. This will show you, Dr. B, and the rest of the gang how science translates into politics. Good research and intentions get bogged down, not just from the fanatics like Melanie Morgan out there claiming it's all a deliberate ruse. This is Congress.

What Pelosi can learn from Newt

Ignore the gist of the column and just witness the cogs of bureaucracy sludging along.

Carey said...

I'll have to come back to read the funnies. Got to get dinner on and stuff.

David B. Benson said...

But it seems that Dingle isn't going to get his way.

However, with regard to global warming mitigation, we need dramatic action now! Something as piddly small as the Apollo program won't suffice. Think big, like WW II...

DEN said...

Carey, sludging along at our expense!

These pompous asses, Pelosi included, are literally playing with peoples lives and their childrens lives by waffling on this stuff.

Firm legislation needs to be put in place, like Doc says, no time to waste.

These people do not work for us anymore, they work for themselves and THAT needs to be remembered by voters in the next election.

Before it's too late for all of us.

Very frustrating.

ò¿óarol said...

The Mark Fiore animation pointed out what's been pissing me off. Congress wants to lay down the law to the auto companies to reach 35 mpg by 2021 or some such date WAY in the future. THEY MAKE ME SICK!!! They proved to me that they have no will to fight the addiction to oil and they could care less if the world chokes....just let business do what they want...forever. Morons.

Then there's the Michigan politician's attitudes. All kissy, kissy over the automobile because of Detroit being the motor city once upon a time. I thought our guys wouldn't try for a bridge to nowhere like the Alaska dude did, but they reacted the same as him. "Whatever is easiest for you, Ford, GM. How does 2021 sound? If that's too hard we'll work on making it further away."

I told you I would never see any good changes happen in this world before I die. I lost 8 years of what could have been good things because the Supreme Court gave the presidency to that evil, evil man, George Bush, may he rot in hell.

I'll be 76 in 2021! If I'm not dead that is!

º¿carol said...

Just read your Pelosi article, Carey. I wrote my post before I read yours. Hence I pretty much painted the same picture as your article, but with more pizazz, of course. *snort*

Pandemoniac said...

DEN said...

They are in America,
time to learn English.

maybe Pande has some input.
6/15/2007 5:09 PM

It was just a brazilian spambot. Most blogs that don't have a spamfilter get infected sooner rather than later. If you're asking about my views on learning English, click here and scroll down to comment number 68.

micki said...
... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
6/17/2007 5:19 PM

Oy, vey.

carey said...
There won't be a choice. All I can figure is that Repugs and some Dems are holding out because they benefit monetarily somehow. That's always the case. It is heinous to hold up withdrawal of the troops over politics. Such a moral people we are. So slow to act morally.
6/19/2007 3:51 PM


Why is America souring on the Democratic congress? We're still in Iraq. The Dem v2.1 response? Elect a Donkey President so that our meager majority will be veto-proof. When that reality sinks in, Americans will by and large fall for it. Then, Troops will come home. Till then, it's ALL politics ALL the TIME. Puhthetic. Where's my dawg, Hajji, at?

Pandemoniac said...

It ain't Thursday but it's still a mite funny....


"Yesterday at the G8 Summit, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered to let President Bush build a missile defense system in Azerbaijan. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, 'I believe the correct pronunciation is Abracadabra.'"
--Conan O'Brien

"Last week when President Bush was in Albania, they named a street after him. During the street naming ceremony, Bush told the Albanians, 'I am honored to be standing here on Lame Duck Boulevard'"
--Conan O'Brien

"President Bush was in Albania. He thought he was going to Albany. Anyway, he ended up in Albania ... and somebody stole his watch. Bush is upset. He is really angry. He said he now has no choice but to bomb Iran." --David Letterman

"George Bush is traveling around Europe. ... A couple of days ago, he's touring through Albania and he's shaking hands with people and someone steals his wrist watch. ... The Secret Service jumped right on it and they turned in a description of the watch. Mickey's gloves are white. His pants are red. His buttons are yellow. It's all part of George Bush's 'No Pickpocket Left Behind' program."
--David Letterman

"President Bush made a stop in Albania on Sunday. Unlike just about every other place he's ever been, they really like him there. They love him. They mobbed the president, and he ate it up. The only problem is that they may have also stolen his watch. ... Today the White House said the president's watch was not stolen. They said he took it off before he started shaking hands, which means there are two possibilities. Either ... Albanians stole the president's watch, or the president took off his watch because he doesn't trust Albanians. Neither scenario paints a particularly rosy picture of Albanian-American relations."
--Jimmy Kimmel

"George Bush ... was in Albania and his watch was stolen. ... They have a description of the guy. They say the suspect is armed and punctual. ... It's not a laughing matter. Don't kid yourselves. It's an important watch. It's the one Cheney uses to hypnotize him"
--David Letterman

"President Bush is back from his European tour. He became the first president ever to visit Albania. He got a hero's welcome. Although there was one awkward moment, when he told the crowd, 'I love the Albino people.'" --Jay Leno

"People were lining the streets, waiting to cheer President Bush. ... In this country he has a 28% approval rating, but in Albania, he's a God. It's like that whole David Hasselhoff's a star in Germany. ... He was so popular over there Albania actually named a street after President Bush. It's a dead end street, but it's the thought that counts."
--Jay Leno

"To get a pleasant reception, the president only needed to fly to a country referred to as 'the poor man's Kazakhstan.'"
--Jon Stewart

"Wait, can I just ask a question? How did those people get so close to the president? They're hugging him, they're playing with his hair. We're not even allowed to ask the guy questions"
--Jon Stewart

"So to the Albanians, the president has just recently launched a highly popular war in Afghanistan. There's no Iraq, no congressional page sex scandal, no Jack Abramoff, no wire-tapping, no secret prisons, no torture, no Valerie Plame, no Abu Ghraib, no no-bid contracts, no Hurricane Katrina, no attorney firings, no contents of Karl Rove's basement freezer....
Oh. I'm sorry, I may have spoken too soon. I don't know if that one's broken yet. It's going to be big."
--Stephen Colbert

"President Bush got a hero's welcome this week in Albania. He was thrilled. He thought he was in Alabama. Go Crimson Tide"
--Jay Leno

"I was going through the files and I believe he is the first president to be robbed since ... well, Al Gore"
--David Letterman

"On Tuesday, Republican frontrunner Rudy Giuliani released a slate of campaign pledges he calls the 'Twelve Commitments,' including sets of gems as 1. I will keep America on offense in the terrorists' war on us; 5. I will impose accountability on Washington; 8. I will survive; and 12. I will issue commitments in easily mockable list form."
--Jon Stewart

"'Rudy's promises to America.' Yes, Rudolph Giuliani always keeps his promises, unless he makes them to you as you're marrying him"
--Jon Stewart

"The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, has announced he is separating from his wife. As former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani calls that, 'The first step to the White House.'" --Jay Leno

"The Pentagon has admitted they once tried to develop a gay bomb -- a bomb that would turn enemy soldiers gay. They said their goal was to turn the Iraq war into a musical. ... When asked what impact this gay bomb would have, the head of the Joint Chiefs said, 'Fabulous.'"
--Jay Leno

"I guess I have to mention it's Gay Pride Month. Congratulations, gay people -- I mentioned you. First you steal our rainbows and now you've managed to steal a whole month. Of course, you picked the month with the most weddings in it. You are determined to destroy the sanctity of marriage."
--Stephen Colbert

"One of the key battlegrounds in our gay culture war is actually key battlegrounds. I'm talking about gays in the military. The 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy has thrown our armed forces into chaos in the middle of a war on terror. ... We cannot waiver on this issues, folks, and thank God none of the Republicans did in their recent presidential debate [on screen: none of the GOP WH '08ers raising their hand when asked if gays and lesbians should be allowed to serve openly in the military]. I say their silence speaks volumes. Plus, they kind of had to keep it down because Mary Cheney's baby was sleeping in the next room"
--Stephen Colbert

"Yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told a Latino group if immigrants want to learn English, they should not read foreign-language newspapers. The Latino group told Arnold, 'How about you tell us how you learned English, and we'll do the opposite.'"
--Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, President Bush talked about his immigration bill and said, 'The political process is two steps forward, one step back.' Then Bush said, 'It's just like the Hokey Pokey.' Then he did it for 40 minutes." --Conan O'Brien

"Republican presidential candidates Sam Brownback and Tom Tancredo both promised if they are elected president, they will pardon Scooter Libby. So, sorry Scooter, you are going to jail."
--Conan O'Brien

"Scooter Libby is going to jail unless President Bush acts quickly. And the city of New Orleans says, 'Good luck with Bush acting quickly'"
--Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney's former top aide, Scooter Libby, was sentenced to 30 months in prison. However, the sentence could be cut short if Vice President Cheney needs a heart transplant."
--Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the pope on Saturday. There was one awkward moment ... when he asked the pope, 'Hey, how's Mrs. Pope?'"
--Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the Pope this weekend and he made a mistake, because instead of calling the Pope 'your holiness,' Bush called him 'sir.' Then, instead of kissing the Pope's ring, Bush went for a high five and said, 'Up top, Popey.'"
--Conan O'Brien

"Paris Hilton is behind bars, but still no word on Osama."
--David Letterman

Gerald said...

DEN, in choosing a wife a woman's cleavage is always the tie breaker.