Friday, August 31, 2007

FRIDAY FUNNIES








Thanks Alan!!

42 comments:

DEN said...

"How about that poor Senator Craig from Idaho? ... So he gets arrested in a men's room there at the airport in Minneapolis. And here's the deal now. He's now in Stage One of a political sex scandal: defiance. Stage Two: stepping down to spend more time with his family. Stage Three: 'I'm gay and I'm proud!'" --David Letterman

"Don't kid yourself, this Craig is in a tough spot. When you're up for re-election, you don't want to be known as 'The Restroom Don Juan.'" --David Letterman

"The guy was arrested for lewd behavior in the men's room, and I'm thinking, 'Well, hell. I'm lucky if I can get a hand dryer to blow'" --David Letterman

"Senator Larry Craig ... declared he won't quit and he's not gay. And then Craig said 'I'm sorry. I meant to say I won't quit being gay.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Now there's more trouble for Senator Craig. First he's accused of soliciting gay sex at an airport. Now's he accused of soliciting gay sex at a train station. Craig denied the charges and said if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for a big night at the bus terminal." --Conan O'Brien

"Idaho Senator Larry Craig is now being called the hole from Idaho." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are calling Senator Craig a hypocrite because he was a very vocal opponent of same-sex marriages. ... But to be fair, he has never come out publicly against anonymous gay bathroom sex." --Jay Leno

"This whole thing has to be very frustrating for the Republican Party. All these gay sex scandals and they still can't get any support from Hollywood." --Jay Leno

"The arresting officer said their eyes met through the crack in the bathroom stall door, which is ironic because that's how I met my wife." --Jay Leno

"Because of the scandal he had to resign his position on the Mitt Romney campaign. ... So not much chance of getting his mitts on Romney now." --Jay Leno

"Today President Bush was in New Orleans for the two-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. When he arrived in New Orleans he told the mayor 'I got here as quick as I could'" --Jay Leno

DEN said...

"Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, a married, very anti-gay conservative Republican, was arrested by a plainclothes police officer for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport men's room. Today the senator's office said it was all a big misunderstanding. Apparently what happened was when the senator went in to use the restroom, he accidentally grabbed the wrong penis." --Jay Leno

"The undercover police officer said the senator tried to reach under the stall to touch him, but the senator said, no, he wasn't trying to touch him, he was only trying to pick up a piece of paper off the floor. Who picks up paper off the floor in the men's room? I don't even like when my shoe laces touch the floor in the men's room." --Jay Leno

"You know who I feel sorry for in this whole thing? The undercover cop. How'd you like to have that job. Sit in an airport bathroom all day, your pants around your ankles with a coffee and a donut waiting for guys to hit on you." --Jay Leno

"Sen. Craig is married. Apparently he told his wife, don't worry about having dinner ready to me. I'm going to wolf down a hot dog at the airport." --Jay Leno

"The Democrats may have control of the House, but the Republicans have control of the bathrooms." --Jay Leno

"Sen. Craig gave a press conference today where he said, I'm not gay, I've never been way. Then he apologized to his wife, Liza Minnelli." --Jay Leno

"There's another scandal in Washington. One of the senator's from Idaho, Larry Craig, was arrested in airport men's room. Gives new meaning to the word 'caucusing.'" --David Letterman

"Sen. Craig said he made a mistake by pleading guilty. And I was thinking, maybe that was your second mistake." --David Letterman

"The way I look at it, anyone who spends more than two minutes in an airport men's room is guilty of something." --David Letterman

"Larry Craig ... has pled guilty to lewd guilty in a men's room. ... The senator said I wanted to reach out to all my constituents and their penises." --Conan O'Brien

"The police report says he tapped his foot, which means 'I want gay sex.' And, also means I'll never wear my iPod to the bathroom again." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Needless to say, Senator Craig is also anti-gay marriage and gays in the military, which I think, shows he doesn't let his personal needs interfere with his work." --Jimmy Kimmel, on Larry Craig's bathroom incident

DEN said...

My personal fav: "The Democrats may have control of the House, but the Republicans have control of the bathrooms." --Jay Leno

DEN said...

Must be cause they are soooooo full of shit!

micki said...

I know I'm probably wasting my time, but I just sent this letter to my Dem senators & representative. I would encourage all of you to write similar letters -- to Dem or Repug -- before Congress reconvenes.

Dear Senators Murray and Cantwell and Representative Larsen:

Most of us concerned Americans have noticed in recent weeks that the Cheney/Bush administration has ratcheted up its rhetoric against Iran. A couple of examples: Cheney stating that military strikes against Iran are warranted. Bush has directed our military in Iraq to pursue Iranians inside Iraq, even arresting Iranian energy officials who were working to restore Iraq's electricity systems.

Then! Bush claims that the Iranian regime poses the threat of a "nuclear holocaust." These are not comments of a sane government.

Yet, the Democratic Congress is largely silent on this -- except when you vote for resolutions condemning Iran, relying on neocon and administration propaganda, rather than digging deep for the facts.

I hope when Congress reconvenes the Democrats will take a more proactive, responsible role in dealing with the Iran issue. You must not let Cheney/Bush take us into another war. Stand up to George W. Bush and Richard Cheney and tell them they need a new authorization if they are going to start a war with Iran -- and DEBATE the Cheney/Bush administration with facts. The American people -- when they know the facts and see Congress standing up to this out-of-control administration -- will say NO to another war.

The Cheney/Bush administration is operating outside the law -- AND YOU KNOW IT! It is acting outside the law, the Constitution, and totally thumbing its nose at Congress. Doesn't that bother you?

With an authoritative, arbitrary dictatorial declaration, Bush declares the Iranian Revolutionary Guard to be a terrorist group, essentially making them an enemy without any Congressional consultation or advice.

Are you going to let Bush start another war of choice? It is not supporting the troops to give Bush another $50 billion dollars! You know he wants that additional $50 billion to widen his war into Iran. Don't give it to him!
Supporting the troops is saying NO to George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

If you give them the $50 billion, you will be buying the war. It will be YOUR war. Stop the insanity.

Sincerely,

Micki ...............

micki said...

If it weren't so sick, I'd have a really good laugh!

So the Repugs call in Tom DeLay to talk about scandal!

Well, he is an expert.

micki said...

Gee, this is going to be a big holiday weekend!

Warner is going to make an announcement. Am I too old to run again? Tony Snow might be leaving sooner than later. Fred Thompson makes a preliminary preliminary preliminary announcement. Larry Craig might, might, might resign over the weekend.

micki said...

Being stupid as a member of Congress is hardly a reason to be ridden on a rail from Washington. But Republican presidential campaigners are urging Mr. Craig to resign fast as a swift boat.

LOL! This is from the NYT editorial today.

micki said...

The New York Times

August 31, 2007
Editorial
Disowning Senator Craig

The Republican Party is in quite a rush to keelhaul Senator Larry Craig for his run-in with the vice squad in an airport men’s room. Disclosure of the senator’s guilty plea to disorderly conduct set off a frenzy to demand an investigation by the Senate’s somnolent Ethics Committee and to strip Mr. Craig of his committee seniority. Some of the senator’s peers simply demanded that he resign.

No similar leadership chorus for judgment has been heard about any number of other scandalous revelations on the party’s plate.

There’s the F.B.I.’s inquiry into whether Senator Ted Stevens swung a quid-pro-quo deal for a government contractor who eventually renovated his Alaska home. There’s also Senator David Vitter’s presence on the client list of a Washington brothel. Mr. Vitter, a social conservative, pleaded guilty to “sin” (heterosexual) and no leadership call ensued for a thorough in-house ethics inquiry. Certainly, no Republican called for the resignation of Mr. Vitter, who comes from Louisiana, which has a Democratic governor who would then replace him. Mr. Craig is from a safe state with a Republican governor.

Mr. Craig’s explanation of his behavior may make little sense to the average voter trying to fathom how he was taken in by a police sting against lewd public behavior. The senator quietly copped a disorderly conduct plea after taking two months to consider his arrest and his options. Once it hit the media, he claimed his judgment was clouded but his heterosexuality unblemished.

Being stupid as a member of Congress is hardly a reason to be ridden on a rail from Washington. But Republican presidential campaigners are urging Mr. Craig to resign fast as a swift boat. One senator offered the ultimate rebuff between political pros by returning Mr. Craig’s campaign donation.

Underlying the hurry to disown the senator, of course, is the party’s brutal agenda of trumpeting the gay-marriage issue. To the extent Senator Craig, a stalwart in the family values caucus, might morph into a blatant hypocrite before the voters’ eyes, he reflects on the party’s record in demonizing homosexuality. The rush to cast him out betrays the party’s intolerance, which is on display for the public in all of its ugliness. But it also betrays their political uneasiness as the next election approaches.

micki said...

There once was a guy in diapers named Vitter,
Leisure time choices caused barely a' twitter,
He stuck with the gals,
So Repugs stayed pals,
So don't get caught being a switch-hitter!

Carey said...

So the Repugs call in Tom DeLay to talk about scandal!

When I saw that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Have I got an article for you guys. I'm going to go get it now.

Micksters,

You delight me.

David B. Benson said...

Wonderful limericks!

Why are they named after Limerick, Ireland?

Carey said...

Okay, I can't figure out how to link the article. I don't think it's free anymore without a subscription like the New York Times.

This is a video from the author detailing his story.

The Great Iraq Swindle

Oh my God. It's worse than we thought.

Carey said...

I'M CRABBY AND HOT.

Just thought I'd tell you.

micki said...

The Lure of the Limerick
l

No-one knows for certain how the name of an Irish Mid-Western city came to be associated with the short, irreverent, often bawdy verses of the limerick.

Some people believe that it came from the school of poets who lived in Croom, Co. Limerick in the nineteenth century; their specialisation was short satiric verses. The genre became a fixture in Victorian times, due in no small part to the author of nonsense verse, Edward Lear.

In the history of Irish literature the town of Croom, in Co. Limerick, is celebrated as the meeting place of the 18th century Fili na Maighe, the Gaelic poets of the Maigue. This was the original birth place of �the Limerick�.

The Maigue poets, writing in their native Irish, produced a great body of poetry, and the custom was widely adopted in other locations in Limerick City and County. Soon the neighbouring Counties of Cork, Clare and Tipperary began to pen the satirical verse.

Two anthologies on the subject, published this century, list 42 poets and Irish scholars (part-time poets) of County Limerick who were known to have composed Limericks. The themes of these early works included love-poems, drinking songs, poems on national affairs, and satires on public figures.

Two of the first, and most famous, exponents of the Limerick poem were poet and publican Sean O'� Tuama (1706-�75), and his friend Andrias MacCriath (1710-�93). O�'Tuama and MacCraith grew up together in Kilmallock, Co. Limerick and were educated in one of the many hedge schools of the time, with a traditional education incorporating Latin and Greek studies.

O�'Tuama later became a publican and word of his hospitality grew, as did the popularity of the Limerick. Poets in North Cork, Clare and Tipperary began to pen the verses. O�'Tuama and his friend fell out and as a result scathing Limerick verses were written by them to castigate the other. O'� Tuama wrote:

"I sell the best Brandy and Sherry
To make all my customers merry,
But at times their finances
Run short as it chances,
And then I feel very sad, very".

To which MacCraith replied��..

"O'�Tuama! You boast yourself handy,
At selling good ale and bright Brandy
But the fact is your liquor
Makes everyone sicker,
I tell you this I your good friend, Andy".

DEN said...

Key to keeping cool when it's hot,
frequent cool showers, and drink lotsa water.

Crabby? Herbal remedy and beer.

micki said...

There once was a lass who was crabby and hot,
Tired of the news which was happy, not!
She knew too much,
And as such,
Sensed bush and his cronies were planning a plot!

micki said...

Holy mother of crapola!

Tony Snow, the highly visible White House press secretary, will leave his job on Sept. 14 and be replaced by his deputy, Dana Perino, an administration official said Friday.

Not surprising...but geez Louise! It ALWAYS goes from bad to worse with these goons.

micki said...

Before joining the press office, Perino worked as associate director of communications at the White House Council on Environmental Quality.

Oh! Does this mean the White House is gonna get serious about global warming?

Quality? They wouldn't know quality if it bit 'em on the...

Carey said...

I just listened and watched Thom Hartmann deliver one masterful presentation on CSPAN/Air America, a simulcast. I'm not feeling particularly eloquent, but color me totally impressed!

Hartmann had everything so wonderfully well-thought out and planned, a true scholar practiced in the art of persuasion. It was a virtuoso performance. Brought warmth to my heart.

Carey said...

Oh my Micki. What a searingly appropriate limmerick. Thanks for the history too.

In the middle of something else I remembered that I hadn't responded to Micki's letter. I thought it direct, from the heart, timely and an email that might attract attention.

As usual.

Doesn't Micki get annoying with all the top notch writing and thinking? I mean there's just no end.

David B. Benson said...

Annoying?

No, often witty, sometimes funny...

DEN said...

Brokeback Bathroom star Craig set to spill his guts and quit tomorrow.

GOOD then maybe they will STFU and put the focus back on DEAD TROOPS again, and a hundred other problems that need fixing.

DEN said...

Can we break our addiction to the business of killing and being killed?

The USA’s military spending is now close to $2 billion a day. This fall, the country will begin its seventh year of continuous war, with no end in sight. On the horizon is the very real threat of a massive air assault on Iran. And few in Congress seem willing or able to articulate a rejection of the warfare state.

While the Bush-Cheney administration is the most dangerous of our lifetimes — and ousting Republicans from the White House is imperative — such truths are apt to smooth the way for progressive evasions. We hear that “the people must take back the government,” but how can “the people” take back what they never really had? And when rhetoric calls for “returning to a foreign policy based on human rights and democracy,” we’re encouraged to be nostalgic for good old days that never existed.

The warfare state didn’t suddenly arrive in 2001, and it won’t disappear when the current lunatic in the Oval Office moves on.

@ GNN

As long as there is the 'Military Industrial Complex' and profit to be made......

micki said...

Oh, right. I'm a self-described Luddite on some tech matters, but even I know it'd be mighty difficult for millions of OFFICIAL government emails to be "lost forever."

Not even gross incompetence can explain the disappearance.

What is this rouge regime in the WH hiding, and why won't they give the name of the tech contractor in charge of archiving the emails?

Something's up.

micki said...

There once was a lass who used words as a toy,
But found out, alas, she sure did annoy,
But with her thick skin,
She said with a grin,
Slog on to the end because, this I enjoy!

ยบ¿carol said...

I'M HERE, I'M HERE! I lost my internet Wednesday evening during a horrible storm. Hope it was the LAST storm. We went from total drought and burned out grass to pure green lawns once again. Seems all it's been doing is storming. There was even a couple tornadoes near Lansing.

Anyway, my Freedom Net guys FINALLY made it out here late this afternoon. My network card got fried. They said there wasn't a direct hit on the antenna on the roof, but maybe a charge from the horrible lightning got thru.

And get this! They put a box on the wire outside the house in case lightning ever hits the antenna. As it was set up the wire runs from the roof, into the house and plugs into the back of my computer. It's a miracle I didn't lose my computer Wednesday!

It was god-awful being w/o my internet. I could feel myself getting behind. Still, at least I had a computer and I always have plenty to do on the computer even w/o the internet. I learned how to pull photos out of a Power Point file someone sends to me. Woo hoo! Been planning on learning how to do that forever now.

Ok. Now I'll read this thread. I already caught up on the other two. Thought I'd announce my presence before I caught up on this one. xoxox

micki said...

Den, Craig's hypocritical behavior is representative of a HUGE problem that has to be fixed.

Burn their hypocrisy into the public's consciousness -- then, perhaps, they won't be able to so easily legislate laws against groups of people based on their HYPOCRITICAL VALUES.

FEIGNING TO BE WHAT ONE IS NOT HAS GOTTEN THIS COUNTRY OFF TRACK.

It's the hypocrisy! It's endemic in this administration.

micki said...

Carol -- Welcome back! I read in the paper this a.m. that NASA or Goddard or some other entity sez that their computer models indicate that storms will get worse in the Midwest and Southeast. But, they recognize it's difficult to "predict" these weather changes due to global warming.

Not a scientific playback...but what the heck.

Stormy weather ahead.

Gerald said...

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS???

HITLER BUSH HAS SAID THAT HIS WAR ON TERRORISM AND HIS ATTACK ON IRAQ HAS MADE THE WORLD A MUCH SAFER PLACE FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!!!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS ON BUSH'S WORDS!!! ARE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SAFER TODAY???

David B. Benson said...

Goddard is the climate research arm of NASA. The climate modlers both there and also at Hadley Centre predict that with global warming we will, on average, experience more extreme weather...

David B. Benson said...

Gerald --- Not those Americans who drive across big bridges, or walk past underground steam pipes or...

micki said...

Gerald --

Are we safer? No. IMO, the bigger threat to the United States than terrorism is global warming. That threatens us all, but we are told we cannot afford to take necessary steps to mitigate climate change factors. We can afford a seemingly unending war on a nation that has no arms and is no threat to us, but we can't do a damn thing to address a real threat that is achknowledged by most leaders around the world

But aside from the global warming threat, our personal safety, to some extent, is proportional to the numbers of people/groups who dislike us. Bush's War of Choice on Iraq has caused an increase in animosity towards the United States, and the intensity of that animosity (hatred) has increased also, which has made it easier for anti-American groups to recruit new adherents and find new funding and agents willing to supply weapons for their cause.

So, bush is a failure on two fronts. Figures.

micki said...

Goddard is the climate research arm of NASA.

Thanks.

Carey said...

Hey wait a minute. I was kidding when I wrote that Micki being so smart and all was annoying.

Gee, I giggled to myself when I wrote that.

Carol.....Finally! Glad to hear you survived without the internets.



It is all about global warming everywhere. Everything we discuss and think about here, it's all subsumed to the big one now.

Gerald said...

DBB and Micki, thank you for your comments! Muslims have long memories. There are memories of unrest with other Muslims that go as far back as the sixth or seventh century. Christians also have long memories. They were whipped 4 out of 5 Crusades.

I heard someone say if the Mulims ever settled their differences and focussed on defeating Nazi America, we would be history - nuclear weapons and all. Hitler Bush's hatred for humanity will have an unintended consequence of uniting the Muslims to focus on the evil empire of Nazi America.

Global warming is a very serious problem but Nazi America has chosen not to enter into treaties that would slow global warming. Unless efforts are made to seriously tackle this problem, we will all be toast.

MAN IS THE ONLY ANIMAL THAT IS CRUEL. IT KILLS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IT. - Mark Twain

NAZI RALLY LYRICS

THERE IS A WAR OUT THERE AND DEATH IS EVERYWHERE BUT I FEEL SO ALIVE. I cannot recall who sang this song.

Gerald said...

Maybe not entering into the treaties to slow global warming will have a positive effect on Nazi Americans. We can slowly start to adjust ourselves to the increase in temperatures that will prepare us for hell where we will HOT and crispy for eternity.

Gerald said...

Nazi America has chosen to focus on death and we have chosen not to focus on life, the slowing of global warning. Nazi America remains true to her manifest destiny of eternal hatred for humanity, hypocrisy in decision-making, and lies about other countries who will not toe our line.

Gerald said...

Let us then try what love can do

Gerald said...

The truth is that George Bush is not responsible for the Iraq War - you and I are. He and the Pentagon could do nothing without our willing cooperation. It is our inaction, our devotion to comfort, which sustains this war. The Democrats are a convenient substitute for action. Pressuring them bleeds the energy we need to stop the war. They will obey their corporate masters no matter what we do. Once the corporate master feels pain, he will act to stop the pain. One day we will look back on this era and realize that the issues were far more fundamental than we currently believe. We need to think protest through to its foundation until we can conceive "ending our role as the world's chief glutton" - John Gibbs. Our gluttony is the cause of the violence which ravages the poor and the life of the world.

Gerald said...

We need to think protest through to its foundation until we can conceive "ending our role as the world's chief glutton" - John Gibbs. Our gluttony is the cause of the violence which ravages the poor and the life of the world.

Our gluttony also sustains our comfort zone. - Gerald

Do we really come alive with the sight of death and destruction all around us? - Gerald

Gerald said...

where we will BE hot and crispy for all eternity!