Friday, September 14, 2007

FRIDAY FUNNIES








33 comments:

DEN said...

Leave General Petraeus Alone!

DEN said...

Bill Maher, New Rules

DEN said...

John R. Butler

Play #5

micki said...

Hey gang!

As the Senate and House prepare to wrangle over their different energy bills, they need to hear from as many constituents as possible: America wants the cleanest, strongest energy bill possible.

Please write to your senators and represenative and tell them you expect meaningful action.

Suggested letter: (I know it doesn't cover everything -- and it's too polite. They need an ass-kicking.)

Dear______________

Please support a clean, strong energy bill as it moves through conference committee and onto the president's desk.

In the past, forward-looking energy measures have made it through the Senate or House, only to be dismantled in conference negotiations. You and your colleagues have the chance - at last - to finalize a bill that truly responds to America's fastest-growing concerns: global warming, the economy, and our environment.

An energy plan for the 21st century should take the best from both bills, and do something meaningful about:

Clean electricity

Efficient vehicles

Reducing or eliminating Big Tax Breaks for Big Oil

It's time for measurable change -- you have an opportunity to pass a strong energy bill. We, the people, expect you to do your job to reduce our nation's reliance on fossil fuels and to get serious about global warming.

I hope you take responsible action on this critical issue in the weeks to come. We're watching what you do.

Sincerely,

Your pissed-off constituent (followed by your name and address hahaha)

micki said...

Den! #10 is good, too!

micki said...

...a joke for Friday

So, this guy bought his first motorcycle. He called his insurance agent to arrange coverage on his new bike. The agent asks him a list of questions.

AGENT: Do you have a lien holder?

MOTORCYCLE GUY: Well, it does have a kick stand.

Alan said...

haha Good 'toon Den. Where'd you find that remake?

DEN said...

Alan, Sal sent it to me yesterday, quite funny I thought.

David B. Benson said...

Here is a group working on the problem(s) that is new to me:

World Resources Institute

DEN said...

Doc, listed under Board of Directors:

Al Gore
Chairman of Generation Investment Management, London; and former Vice President of the United States, United States.

DEN said...

"With most of the country against the war, our top military man in Iraq, General Petraeus, says he does not know if the war is making us safer. ... In fact, for a lot people, it's more dangerous ... like Republicans." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, Petraeus gave his progress report on Iraq to Congress. Many of the senators commented to the general. Senator Barbara Boxer said Petraeus was overly optimistic; Mel Martinez of Florida thanked the general; Senator Larry Craig of Idaho said, 'There's something about a man in uniform.'" --Jay Leno

"A New Orleans prostitute has come forward and said she has had sex with married Louisiana Senator David Vitter two or three times a week over a four-month period. This is actually good news for the Republicans. Finally a sex scandal involving a woman." --Jay Leno

"Senator Vitter is denying this woman's allegations. Who are you gonna believe? A U.S. senator or a hooker? I've gotta go with the hooker." --Jay Leno

"Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson are now tied neck and neck in national polls. Actually, you know, if they were on the ticket together, that would be a tough team for the Democrats to beat. I mean, if they could just get all their ex-wives to vote for them" --Jay Leno

"Senator Larry Craig wants to withdraw his plea. He pleaded guilty. ... And I was thinking what he should have withdrawn was his foot from the other guy's stall." --David Letterman

"Yesterday, General Petraeus was in Washington testifying before the Senate. After the testimony, Senator Craig said, 'You may not know this, general, but right now I'm saluting you.'" --David Letterman

"Yesterday, General David Petraeus testified before the Senate for 10 hours with just two bathroom breaks. During the same period, Senator Larry Craig took 73 bathroom breaks." --Conan O'Brien

DEN said...

Micki, I can always appreciate a good motorcycle joke!!

micki said...

Okay, Den....

An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a functional bike?" asked the first engineer.

The second engineer replied: "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly: "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

micki said...

...with due respect to all engineers. :-)

micki said...

re WRI -- did you sign up for their newsletter?

DEN said...

BWAAAAHAAAHAA!!

Nope

DEN said...

YUP!!

David B. Benson said...

A Professor John Marburger seems to be the Presidential Science Adviser and Director of the Office of Science and Technology Policy.

According to a BBC article, the man states that a climate target is 'arbitrary'. Its not.

Currently atmospheric carbon dioxide is at 383 ppm. During the previous interglacial, the Eemian, the concentration rose to about 310--315 ppm for a few thousand years. During that time the sea stand rose about 5 meters.

So I could assure him that we need to remove enough carbon so that the concentration falls below that mark...

David B. Benson said...

To lower the concentration to about 315 ppm means stop adding 8 billion tons (Gt) of carbon, in the form of carbon dioxide, to the atmosphere each year and, if started now, remove about another 337 Gt.

If this could be done at an average rate of 7 Gt per year, which I am beginning to doubt, it would take about 48 years.

Carey said...

My computer's running terribly. Someone got ahold of it (a friend) who thought he was helping. But it was unbeknownst to us. And now--the computer's sick. It took me 20 minutes to get to this site just to tell you I can't be here.

Did anyone hear Laura Flanders this morning? Oh golly gee willikers she was good but horribly scary. The Sunni cleric who brokered the much ballyhooed tribal peace agreement in Al Anbar (in which the Sunnis vowed to turn against Al Queda) was just assasinated on the anniversary of that agreement.

Flanders suspects that assasination will be blamed on Iran and then the propaganda show we've been treated to this week will culminate with an attack on the obvious bad guy giving us all the trouble.

Flanders has been on the fence about whether Bush would really go into Iran. She's changed her mind.

This is impossible. I can't even type without slowups. My brother (in-law) will look at it when he has time.

Oh dear.

Carey said...

David,

WRI is why Gore wasn't going to run anyway. He accepted that job back in May or something.

I'll see everything y'all write, but, oh, so slowly.

º¿carol said...

HTML formula won't work for this, so here's the URL instead.

http://snipurl.com/1qqn1

It's BuzzFlash Hypocrite of the Week
General Petraeus. They got pretty verbose so I didn't want to copy/paste the thing here.

º¿carol said...

By the way, does it look like Bush insisted on a surge just so he could make a big deal about bringing some soldiers home down the line....leaving the same amount if not more in Iraq?

If someone already discussed that here, then I probably missed it.

DEN said...

Carey, Try "System Restore" and go back to the week before this guy messed with it.

Click 'Start', 'Accessories', 'System Tools', 'System Restore'.

If you think the problem started way back, try and restore to an even earlier date.

System Restore fixes a myriad of errors.

Let me know what happens.

David B. Benson said...

Currently about 390 exajoules (EJ) per year are consumed, world-wide, from fossil fuels. That's equivalent to burning 14.4 Gt of bituminous coal per year.

An ambitious, but possible goal for energy from non-traditional biomass sources provides 440 EJ, equivalent to 16.3 Gt. If the biomass is all turned into biocoal then to cover the entire amount for the current economy this way leaves only

16.3-14.4 = 1.9 Gt

to sequester to begin lowering the carbon in the atmosphere. At that rate it'll take 177 years to reach 315 ppm, and that is much too long!

Assuming that 20% of fossil fuel consumption can be replaced by a combination of:

energy efficiency
solar (photvoltaics and space heating)
wind
waves
tide

then only the equivalent of 11.52 Gt of biocoal need be used in the world's economy, so it'll only take 70.5 years to reach 315 ppm. This is still too long, in my (not very expert) opinion.

And of course, these calculations are based on the assumption we start doing this today.

micki said...

Q&A with John Marburger III, bush's science advisor -- this could be a lesson in "not giving a straight answer"

Alan said...

They've changed the weekly quiz at AOL, but it's still fun. Check it out here.

Alan said...

k, that link didn't work for the quiz. Just go to "AOL.com" and it's right there.

micki said...

Dr. B has given us a few math thingies to ponder. Based on bush's remarks in his "speech" last night, statisticians have developed a differentially derivative equation containing the dysfunctions of the dipshit.

Bush: "We thank the 36 nations who have troops on the ground in Iraq and the many others who are helping that young democracy."

Reality: There are approximately 165,000 U.S. troops serving in Iraq today. According to the latest Iraq Weekly Status Report produced by the U.S. State Department, other countries are contributing a grand total of 11,685 additional troops.

1 super power + 36 Ntns = 165,000US + 11,685others - <√+π> + ≤2000≥ ÷ 5 v 4 + 2004 = bushit™   

DEN said...

Keyboard activism needed to prevent discrimination because of genetic defects.

DEN said...

Formula for insanity,

1-Worthless moron

1/2 million morons think the worthless moron is OK.

Combine with sand, add 2 billion cups of blood, add a pinch of DU, bring to a boil, boil mixture for approximately 20 years, adding DU and lead as needed, season with oil.

DEN said...

Friday funny? EH! So so, better than some and not as bad as others.

(last one to leave, please turn out the lights)

micki said...

Carol -- you could be right about the "reasons" for the surge. However, Paul Krugman adds some other "reasons" --

September 14, 2007
Op-Ed Columnist
A Surge, and Then a Stab

By PAUL KRUGMAN
To understand what’s really happening in Iraq, follow the oil money, which already knows that the surge has failed.

Back in January, announcing his plan to send more troops to Iraq, President Bush declared that “America will hold the Iraqi government to the benchmarks it has announced.”

Near the top of his list was the promise that “to give every Iraqi citizen a stake in the country’s economy, Iraq will pass legislation to share oil revenues among all Iraqis.”

There was a reason he placed such importance on oil: oil is pretty much the only thing Iraq has going for it. Two-thirds of Iraq’s G.D.P. and almost all its government revenue come from the oil sector. Without an agreed system for sharing oil revenues, there is no Iraq, just a collection of armed gangs fighting for control of resources.

Well, the legislation Mr. Bush promised never materialized, and on Wednesday attempts to arrive at a compromise oil law collapsed.

What’s particularly revealing is the cause of the breakdown. Last month the provincial government in Kurdistan, defying the central government, passed its own oil law; last week a Kurdish Web site announced that the provincial government had signed a production-sharing deal with the Hunt Oil Company of Dallas, and that seems to have been the last straw.

Now here’s the thing: Ray L. Hunt, the chief executive and president of Hunt Oil, is a close political ally of Mr. Bush. More than that, Mr. Hunt is a member of the President’s Foreign Intelligence Advisory Board, a key oversight body.

Some commentators have expressed surprise at the fact that a businessman with very close ties to the White House is undermining U.S. policy. But that isn’t all that surprising, given this administration’s history. Remember, Halliburton was still signing business deals with Iran years after Mr. Bush declared Iran a member of the “axis of evil.”

No, what’s interesting about this deal is the fact that Mr. Hunt, thanks to his policy position, is presumably as well-informed about the actual state of affairs in Iraq as anyone in the business world can be. By putting his money into a deal with the Kurds, despite Baghdad’s disapproval, he’s essentially betting that the Iraqi government — which hasn’t met a single one of the major benchmarks Mr. Bush laid out in January — won’t get its act together. Indeed, he’s effectively betting against the survival of Iraq as a nation in any meaningful sense of the term.

The smart money, then, knows that the surge has failed, that the war is lost, and that Iraq is going the way of Yugoslavia. And I suspect that most people in the Bush administration — maybe even Mr. Bush himself — know this, too.

After all, if the administration had any real hope of retrieving the situation in Iraq, officials would be making an all-out effort to get the government of Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki to start delivering on some of those benchmarks, perhaps using the threat that Congress would cut off funds otherwise. Instead, the Bushies are making excuses, minimizing Iraqi failures, moving goal posts and, in general, giving the Maliki government no incentive to do anything differently.

And for that matter, if the administration had any real intention of turning public opinion around, as opposed to merely shoring up the base enough to keep Republican members of Congress on board, it would have sent Gen. David Petraeus, the top military commander in Iraq, to as many news media outlets as possible — not granted an exclusive appearance to Fox News on Monday night.

All in all, Mr. Bush’s actions have not been those of a leader seriously trying to win a war. They have, however, been what you’d expect from a man whose plan is to keep up appearances for the next 16 months, never mind the cost in lives and money, then shift the blame for failure onto his successor.

In fact, that’s my interpretation of something that startled many people: Mr. Bush’s decision last month, after spending years denying that the Iraq war had anything in common with Vietnam, to suddenly embrace the parallel.

Here’s how I see it: At this point, Mr. Bush is looking forward to replaying the political aftermath of Vietnam, in which the right wing eventually achieved a rewriting of history that would have made George Orwell proud, convincing millions of Americans that our soldiers had victory in their grasp but were stabbed in the back by the peaceniks back home.

What all this means is that the next president, even as he or she tries to extricate us from Iraq — and prevent the country’s breakup from turning into a regional war — will have to deal with constant sniping from the people who lied us into an unnecessary war, then lost the war they started, but will never, ever, take responsibility for their failures.