Friday, September 28, 2007

Friday Funnies









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23 comments:

DEN said...

Life is Tough When You're Stupid


ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the
menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager
at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't
order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets

TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just
a few items and the lady behind me put her things on
the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed After the girl had scanned all of my items, she
picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the
bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar
code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I
said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll
buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the
things and left. She had no clue to what had just
happened.

THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card
into her floppy
drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired
as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to
this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a
long walk."

FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none
too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a
large motor home was towed into the garage. The front
of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He
told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department
in the central office of a large bank. Employees in
the field call him when they have problems with their
computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one
of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal Do you guys
have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT Police in Radnor , Pa interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
police pressed the copy button each time they thought
the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the
dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the
emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and
it should be fine
The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....

Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!

Life is tough.

It's tougher if you're stupid

DEN said...

NEVER CHOKE IN A SOUTHERN RESTAURANT

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering
their cornbread and grits, they talk about the latest
addition to their junkyard business.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a
sandwich, begins to choke. After a minute or so, it
becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya
swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and
shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the
back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly
gives her right cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm
and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she
begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly
back to his seat.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd 'bout that there
'Hind Lick Manuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it."

Alan said...

"Crooks..." has an article saying we won, about the splitting of California's electoral votes. Says their side gave up after losing key supporters and citing a lack of funds.

Alan said...

They also have a good clip from the daily show about Sylvia's, the NYC restaurant Bill O talked about. I liked the General's letter to Bill O about that, saying Bill O was shocked that some black people "are almost civiilized".

DEN said...

Hey guys, I'll be away for a bit, got the day off and time to play.

Alan:

Dear Den,

The dirty trick campaign to steal the White House is dead. They stared in the face of tens of thousands of activists from around the country and turned and ran... for now.

The dirty tricksters were driven into disarray and defeat by you. They lost their funders. They started in-fighting. People resigned their positions, all because of the pressure you placed on them. The Los Angeles Times just broke the news that they are officially "pulling the plug" on their attempt to steal the presidential election. According to the Times, the dirty tricksters no longer have the capacity to put an initiative on the ballot to take 20 of California's electoral votes.

Frankly, it is hard to trust that. Knowing the right-wing like we do, it is crucial that we stay tuned and plugged in. This dirty trick could roar back to life, or they could find a new way to steal the White House. There is always a dirty trick up their sleeves.

That said, this is a huge victory that deserves to be celebrated. The grassroots and the netroots came together, in a show of strength and right-wing backed down.

So spend the weekend and do that, because come Monday, it is time to get to work. It's time to stop playing defense and start playing offense. There is so much that we can accomplish together. I can't wait to get started.

Sincerely,

Rick Jacobs

Chair

P.S. Did you see the great Los Angeles Times article on Courage Campaign's video of Bradley Whitford? YouTube and viral communication were crucial in defeating this dirty trick.

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/celebrity/la-et-cause28sep28,1,6068761.story

•¿•arol said...

Marsha Blackburn

Welcome back to the BuzzFlash GOP Hypocrite of the Week
September 28, 2007


It was a rare moment indeed.

P.M. Carpenter, a long-time columnist posted on BuzzFlash, took note of the historical occasion. In the most unlikely of venues, MSNBC's David Shuster, who was substituting for Tucker Carlson of all people, unrelentingly nailed a GOP Congresswoman for her hypocrisy about condemning the NYT MoveOn.org ad.

The gist of the grilling -- which you can read or view -- was that Tennessee Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn tenaciously parroted the Republican talking points attacking MoveOn.org, but she didn't know the name of the most recent GI from her district killed in Iraq. And even though it turned out that the soldier Shuster mentioned was from the district next door, you got the distinct feeling that she would be hard put to name any GI from her area who had died in Iraq, since she didn't offer any names in her defense.

If you have forgotten what the role of the press should be, Shuster's bulldog pursuit of the nut of the orchestrated attack on the Petraeus ad will remind you of what journalism should be doing. He simply wouldn't let Blackburn off the hook in terms of her assignment to smear an advocacy group, while she wasn't keeping track of the soldiers from her district dying in the Middle East.

Blackburn offered platitudes as she sneered herself into an exposed corner of hypocrisy. "When was the last time a New York Times ad ever killed somebody," Shuster asked the Republican shill who was clearly disconcerted that she wasn't being lobbed the usual unchallenging propaganda-enabling questions. "I mean, here we have a war that took the life of an 18 year old kid, Jeremy Bohannon, from your district, and you didn't even know his name."

By merely assuming the role of a journalist asking pertinent questions, Shuster appeared to do something extraordinary: expose the truth hiding under the cover of gross hypocrisy. He was so masterfully on top of the issue at hand -- and Blackburn so unprepared to speak about anything other than her RNC talking point -- that the exchange took our breath away.

What would America be like today if most interviews were conducted with this preparation and desire to peel away the layers of deception? We won't know, because the Shuster/Blackburn interview was such an isolated incident.

But we do know this, as a result, there is no doubt in our mind that Marsha Blackburn cares more about the advancement of her partisan talking points than the names of the GIs dying for a failed war that she supports from the comfort of Washington, D.C.

Until next week, remember our motto: So many Republican hypocrites, so little time.

Catch up with you soon.

David B. Benson said...

Repug hippos?

Cripes!

DEN said...

Thats the way it is supposed to be.

Investigative Reporter, a rare commodity.

Expose these ripoffs for what they are, political pirates.

Doonuthin vid on front page, kinda weird but so is he. See ya old buddy, enjoy yer new room at the Graybar Hotel.

DEN said...

Oxymoron?

Gerald said...

Hitler Bush has given the Hind Lick Manuver to corporate Nazis and the Nazi rich for the passed seven years. That's why he has that shit eating grin on his face.

DEN said...

Hitler Cheney is worse!

DEN said...

B BAK L 8 R

Gerald said...

DEN is right. Hitler Cheney does seem to have that shit eating grin on his face all the time.

David B. Benson said...

Architecture 2030 took out a full page advert today in TNYT. Good ideas, especially Stop Coal.

Architecture 2030

Carey said...

David,

I've been in and out but I believe this is the first time I've seen you hyperlink.

Yea!!!

I think for some people Clinton's vote on Iran and naming the Guard terrorist is a straw that broke that old camel's back. She doesn't have a leg to stand on now regarding her earlier vote on Iraq.

That vote also proves the point--she cannot be totally trusted with that hawkfinger.

Carol,

I heard a bit of that Schuster exchange on Air America. It was great! That's exactly what to focus on.

David B. Benson said...

Carey --- Usually I leave it as an exercise for the student, but this one was too important for that...

:-)

{ò,ó}arol said...

Here's another example of evil refucklicans. Monday the late, great State of Michigan will shut down. There is STILL no budget. The repugs will NOT agree to raise taxes. The two factions have been like two pickup trucks heading straight at each other, playing a game of chicken. I canNOT believe the repugs haven't cried "uncle"! Lousy bastards! {ò,ó}

What do you think, Gerald??? I, for one, am sick of it. This has been going on for months and months and the head senate repug wanted another month! Geez! Mike Bishop, Mr. Hair Gel should be tarred and feathered. I'd like to see it stuck to his hairdo. {ò,ó}

Gerald said...

Carol, the repugnants have always been obstructionists. They are party-centered and not people-centered. Mike Bishop is a ding dong. Actually, he is more dung.

Our governor, Granholm, does a great job. We need more Jennifer Granholm's in federal, state, and local government positions.

With Granholm as a model women would do a much better job of governing than men.

Men are too self-centered with their flies open to do constant trolling.

Carey said...

I don't know Carol, Trent Lott's hairdo....? Now that's stylin'. Talk about plastered.

Carey said...

I got a post card from Micki. I hate her.

Carey said...

Gee, when I look at that actually posted, it's not funny.

I do hate her right now, though. She hasn't thought about politics all week. She is luxuriating in Montana. She didn't get to see all the Dems not give a timetable on Iraq Wednesday.

She'll be one of the last to see an actual glacier before they all melt.....

º¿carol said...

Nyah, nyah, nyah, Carey. I got a post card from Micki, too!

Gerald said...

Please go to AR and read the article that I posted on "6 die from brain-eating amoeba in lakes."