Friday, October 19, 2007

FRIDAY FUNNIES







The Googles are constipated this AM, could only load 4 cartoons- FIX IT GOOGLES!

Sheesh! Supposed to be Friday funnies but I ain't having any fun fighting the Silicone Valley Media Mogouls.

It ain't easy being funny, the repugs are trying to get it outlawed.

When they outlaw funny, only outlaws will be funny.

35 comments:

DEN said...

Mark Fiore: Spinocrat

DEN said...

"Did you hear that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins? It's strange, isn't it? In a related story, 20 years ago, it turns out Rudy Giuliani was briefly married to himself." --David Letterman

"Obama and Cheney are actually cousins, but Barack did not inherit the family sneer." --David Letterman

"Condoleezza Rice, bless her heart, is trying to work out a peace agreement between the Palestinians and the Israelis. That's about as doable as she is" --David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne Cheney, said that Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are related. She said they are actually eighth cousins. ... Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Dick Cheney's connection was the result of one of Obama's ancestors marrying one of Cheney's ancestors in 1650. Even more interesting, you know who introduced them in 1650? Bob Dole." --Jay Leno

"Isn't that amazing, Obama and Cheney related? Dick Cheney now has more blacks and gays in his own family than in the entire Republican Party." --Jay Leno

"If you'd like to find out if you're related to Dick Cheney, there's a very simple test. Here's what you do: You go out to a shooting range and if you can't tell the difference between a lawyer and a quail, you could be related." --Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the Dalai Lama yesterday. It was a good meeting. The Dalai Lama taught President Bush how to meditate, and President Bush taught the Dalai Lama how to just nod off at meetings." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton was on 'The View' the other day. She was asking Barbara Walters for advice. A lot of people might not know this, but Barbara Walters was very instrumental in helping to elect William Howard Taft." --Jay Leno

"Republican frontrunner Rudy Giuliani says he's going to try to follow Ronald Reagan's 11th commandment that a Republican should never attack another Republican. Let's hope he has better luck with the 11th commandment than he did with the 7th commandment." --Jay Leno

"Tough choices on TV last night. I couldn't decide whether to watch 'Dancing With The Stars' or toe-tapping with Senator Larry Craig. ... Matt Lauer had his big interview with Senator Craig last night. At first, they had a lot of sound problems. You always get those echoes from the bathroom." --Jay Leno

"A baker in Austria is in trouble for making his employees pay for the time they spend in the bathroom. This guy will record their bathroom breaks and then deduct the money from their pay. Can you imagine that? That's got to be Senator Craig's worst nightmare." --Jay Leno

"At the end of this month, the city of Vienna, Austria, will be holding a divorce fair where people can get information on how to get a divorce. I believe the keynote speaker will be Rudy Giuliani, followed by a concert by Paul McCartney" --Jay Leno

"Today, President Bush had a historic meeting with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush saw what the Dalai Lama was wearing and said, 'Don't tell me they lost your luggage.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Experts were worried about China's reaction to President Bush's meeting with the Dalai Lama, but Bush says he doesn't think the meeting will damage our relationship with China. Then Bush said, 'But this might,' and took a huge bite out of a panda bear sandwich." --Conan O'Brien

"During an interview, Vice President Dick Cheney's wife said that Vice President Cheney and Barack Obama are actually distant cousins. When Dick Cheney found out, he said, 'I knew there was something creepy about that guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Larry Craig was interviewed by Matt Lauer this week, and Craig said that he's a victim of gladiator politics. Then Craig said, 'And trust me, no one's watched more gladiator movies than I have" --Conan O'Brien

DEN said...

"Earlier tonight on NBC, Idaho Senator Larry Craig was on Matt Lauer. Until Matt was able to push him off." --Jay Leno

"The interview was conducted in Senator Craig's home in Idaho. Beautiful home. Four bedrooms, 29 bathrooms." --Jay Leno

"One embarrassing moment. I guess half way through the interview, Larry Craig's wife came into the room, saw Matt Lauer sitting there, and said, 'Is this another one of your boy toys?'" --Jay Leno

"This past weekend, Senator Craig was inducted into the Idaho Hall of Fame. See, I don't know how these things work. Is he a pitcher or a catcher?" --Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the Dalai Lama today at the White House. Another awkward moment. When the Dalai Lama showed up, Bush said, 'So, where's the lama?'" --Jay Leno

"China is outraged at the United States for honoring the Dalai Lama at the White House. They're pretty mad. I hope they don't try to get back at us, you know, like maybe putting lead in our toys or anti-freeze in our toothpaste." --Jay Leno

"A globe of the world once owned by Adolph Hitler is going to be auctioned off. ... So, Hitler's globe if you're thinking about getting a Christmas gift for Ann Coulter." --Jay Leno

"Presidential candidate Barack Obama ... went door to door in Iowa over the weekend to talk about his opposition to the war and gain votes. Hillary Clinton also went door to door -- not looking for votes, trying to find her husband." --Jay Leno

"Rudy Giuliani and John McCain have teamed up to attack Mitt Romney. See, you need two people to attack Romney -- one for each of his positions on the issue. ... Political experts are saying that Giuliani and McCain could be the Republican ticket. Or, a remake of 'Grumpy Old Men'" --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton raised $35 million in three months. That's the most money ever raised by a woman, if you don't count what Oprah's made since lunch." --David Letterman

"Yesterday, by the way, Hillary Clinton was a guest on 'The View.' ... Just when you thought that panel couldn't get any hotter." --David Letterman

"Today, the Dalai Lama visited the White House. He rang the door bell and Bush answered and said, 'Oh, let me get some candy. ... Bush spotted a bald guy in a robe and thought it was Cheney." --David Letterman

"China, though, is upset with Bush because he met with the Dalai Lama. I just hope they don't start putting lead paint in our toys." --David Letterman

"Richard Simmons is on the program tonight. ... It will be good to see Richard again. You know he's the only man who's embraced more overweight women than Bill Clinton" --David Letterman

"Earlier today, President Bush met at the White House with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, 'Who's the bald chick in the dress?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this year, Al Gore won an Emmy and an Oscar. Now that he's won a Nobel Peace Prize, some people say he may run for president. Gore says he's not even thinking about the presidency 'cause he's totally focused on winning the Heisman." --Conan O'Brien

"With Hillary Clinton's Democratic primary lead growing, Clinton appears to be moving into general election mode, yesterday attending a broad-based TV focus group [on screen: the cast of 'The View']. All the major demographics were there. African Americans [on screen: Whoopi Goldberg]. Tightly wound Americans [on screen: Elisabeth Hasselbeck]. Soccer grandmas [on screen: Barbara Walters]. Not Star Jones [on screen: Sherri Shepherd]. Not Joan Rivers [on screen: Joy Behar]. There was so much to talk about [on screen: When asked how she runs differently from the men, HRC says, 'Look how much longer it takes me to get ready']. Really? You take the longest? You think it's easy to get this [on screen: Fred Thompson] from this [on screen: Frankenberry]? No, it takes a long time!" --Jon Stewart

micki said...

Not so funneeeeeeeeeee!

Dear micki,

Are you willing to go to the mat to restore the Constitution?

Just last night, we heard there are plans to disregard Senator Dodd's intention to place a hold on a FISA bill that includes amnesty for telecommunications companies.

That would be a pretty extraordinary move, but Chris Dodd has pledged to stop this horrible bill any way he can.

So if the hold is not honored, he is prepared to go to the Senate floor and filibuster.

Rolling back the Bush Administration assault on the rule of law has been a major focus of Chris Dodd's work in the Senate -- and it's also a centerpiece in his campaign for President.

Your contribution will help us take our message of restoring the Constitution through the cornfields of Iowa, the streets of New Hampshire, and into the White House.

http://www.chrisdodd.com/constitution

Democrats were elected to change the course of this country - to restore our security and our values - and for too long Congress has not.

It's time to take a stand.

Your support over the past twenty-four hours has been inspiring -- but with both Republicans AND even a few Democrats pushing back -- Senator Dodd needs it now more than ever.

http://www.chrisdodd.com/constitution

There is a direct relationship between our diminished standing in the world and the current Administration's assault on the Constitution.

Standing up for the values enshrined in that document doesn't make us more vulnerable ... they make us more secure.

The Senator likes to say that if he is sworn in at noon on January 20, 2009, he'll begin restoring the Constitution by 1 P.M.

You can help get him there right now.

http://www.chrisdodd.com/constitution

This fight has just begun. We'll be in touch in the coming days with meaningful avenues for participation to make sure we stop this bill.

Tim Tagaris
Chris Dodd for President

DEN said...

Dodds' got 'nads!!

micki said...

Those Irish lads often marry later in life...

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald is engaged.

micki said...

More news from Illinois....

Looks like ole Denny Hastert is turkey trotting out of the House.

Rumor has it he's resigning by Thanksgiving.

Scandals coming home to roost?

DEN said...

Mayberry axes impeachment advocate, HERE

DEN said...

DOW dropped 234 points today.

YIKES!

micki said...

RNC chairman Mel Martinez resigns...

...not to spend more time with his family, but because he's "accomplished his goals."

hahahahaha

micki said...

For you beer drinkers

DEN said...

MMMM BEER!!

We only 'borrow' it tho.

David B. Benson said...

Hmm. I agree with Valimir Putin on at least one thing...

micki said...

Dr. B -- explain youself, please.

Is it his remark about the U.S. invasion/war on Iraq is "pointless?"

Is it that he said threats against Iran are harmful for international relations because dialogue with states is always more promising?

Or what?

Inquiring minds want to know where you and Vlad (I call him Vlad) agree.

micki said...

Ohhhhh...I bet it was Vlad's comment about the economy.

Huh?

David B. Benson said...

What did he say about the economy?

I just noticed the "completely pointless" remark...

•¿•arol said...

BuzzFlash Hypocrite of the Week
Condoleezza Rice


Welcome back to the BuzzFlash GOP Hypocrite of the Week.

Okay, when is Vladimir Putin like George W. Bush?

Answer, when Condoleezza Rice is describing the former head of the KGB.

Last week, our esteemed Secretary of State was in Russia and was very upset with what she found. But it is, to say the least, hypocritical to condemn Vladimir Putin for engaging in the same kind of power grab that his former soul mate has been conducting in the U.S.

According to the BBC, Rice is critical of the fact that Putin has assumed too much executive authority. Indeed, Rice specifically said, "I think that there is too much concentration of power in the Kremlin. Everybody has doubts about the full independence of the judiciary."

Would the statement be any less accurate if you replaced Kremlin with the White House?

She called for Putin to recognize "the rights of individuals to liberty.… the right to assembly, the right to not have to deal with the arbitrary power of the state." The last phrase is particularly ironic and hypocritical, don't you think?

Tatyana Lokshina, one of the activists who met with Rice, told the BBC that there had been "a very serious setback in Russia as far as human rights are concerned."

Ah yes, sounds like a line from a BuzzFlash editorial about Bush.

Maybe we should have a Secretary of State for domestic affairs. That way, we could have someone visit Washington, D.C., and meet with civil libertarians in the United States who are distressed by the same issues as their counterparts in Russia.

Until then, Ms. Rice -- who championed the "universal values" of "freedom" while in Russia -- more than deserves this week's dubious honor of being named the BuzzFlash GOP Hypocrite of the Week.

Until next week, remember our motto: So many Republican hypocrites, so little time.

Catch up with you soon.

* * *

This is the first time Condoleezza Rice has won the HOTW Award in 2007. It's been a long time for Condi, also winning the award in January 22, 2005 and March 26, 2004.

•¿•arol said...

Good thing I hit preview first. Did a double take when the post said, Condoleezza said...

Gosh, that was funny. *sniff*

Gerald said...

The Dow is down 367. Please do not worry because the powerbrokers do good in a down Dow. They will buy stock down and next week when the stock goes up, they will sell the stock. It must be great to have money and play the market. It's a money game for the wealthy.

If the market does not go up, Hitler Bush will commence WW III and you can bet on it that defense stocks will go up so Hitler Bush's bed partners can win more money while everyone else loses, such as dead soldiers, maimed soldiers, grief stricken parents and friends, and caring people. Please never forget that United States of Evil is not for the average Joe.

Gerald said...

You can bet on it. She is one of my foxes.

Gerald said...

From where I stand, torture is too unreliable an item to build the morality, the credibility, the integrity of a church -- or a nation -- on it. After all, we can't have it both ways. Either the Inquisition was good -- or it wasn't.

Either torture is good or it is not good!

Morally, torture is not good but in Nazi America torture is a joyful occasion.

Gerald said...

Please listen to this powerful homily

Gerald said...

Hitler Bush Gravitates Toward WW III

Gerald said...

Putin will not be pushed any further. He has drawn a line in the sand. More power to him and good luck!!!!!

Gerald said...

Hitler Bush and the United States of Evil are the warmongers.

micki said...

Putin Promises no Economic Crisis

Dr. B, I was being silly about Vlad's economic remarks. Just getting your attention. :-)

If you can be cryptic, I can be silly.

micki said...

Carol -- According to the BBC, Rice is critical of the fact that Putin has assumed too much executive authority. Indeed, Rice specifically said, "I think that there is too much concentration of power in the Kremlin. Everybody has doubts about the full independence of the judiciary."

Oh, for cripes' sake! Why doesn't she just shut up and go away. This is not politically correct, but I think she got her PhD only because of affirmative action -- she's stooooooopid.

micki said...

In that graf, Condi could be describing the bush WH.

DEN said...

She is reflecting the WH opinion that they are the kings of the world and they don't appreciate Putin horning in on the action.

It's chimpys world dammit!

Yup their stooooopid alright.

micki said...

Pentagon: Nuclear Warheads Domestic Flight was 'Serious Error'
By VOA News
19 October 2007

The U.S. Air Force confirms that nuclear warheads were mistakenly flown over America in August, calling the error "unprecedented".

Air Force Secretary Michael Wynne said Friday several commanders and dozens of servicemen involved in the incident have been relieved of their duties.

Wynne described a series of errors that allowed a package of six nuclear armed missiles to be loaded mistakenly onto a B-52 bomber at Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota. The weapons should have been been disarmed before their transfer to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana, where they were to be destroyed.

The Air Force secretary called the incident isolated. He attributed it to a lack of attention to detail.

Defense experts have said there was no risk of nuclear detonation even if the plane had crashed, because of safety features built into the warheads.

Wayne Friday added that despite the errors, the warheads were always under the protection of Air Force security.

He also said the incident continues to be under review. He did not rule out criminal proceedings against those involved.

The incident has been described as the biggest breach of nuclear weapons security in decades.

A Pentagon spokesman said at the time that the incident was so serious that President Bush and Defense Secretary Robert Gates were told of it right away.
++++++++++++

Oh, thank goodness the Decider-in-Chief was notified right away! Maybe he'll give the informant a Medal of Honor to ensure that he's relevant.

Carey said...

I've just come from catching Dennis Kucinich in a guest appearance on the Stephen Colbert Show.

Ehem, ladies. I found him sexy. I caught myself thinking--ah, so that's what she sees in him.

I'm not kidding. Combine superior intelligence with boyish charm and a genuinely warm, sharp, mildy self-deprecating sense of humor and you've got an irresistable winner in my book.

micki said...

Oy! Carey, I have seen him twice in the flesh (not that way!) and I didn't find him sexy at all! A whirling dervish dynamo -- yes. But sexy he ain't, IMO.

I saw him, and met him, here in Bellingham when he was on a road trip for Washington State candidates.

I also saw him, and met him, at a vegan grocery store in Portland.

Both times he was impressive but NOT sexy, IMO.

I keep saying IMO -- good thing we're not all attracted to the same guy, or we might was well be Mormons! :-)

micki said...

..as well

Alan said...

Carey, you'd prolly like this from D/K.
Leave it to Beaver

Gerald said...

Jeremy Scahill

Dear Posters:

As I watched Jeremy Scahill’s interview with Bill Moyers, it was very revealing. Jeremy Scahill is the author of the book, “Blackwater.” He was excellent with his factual reporting. I was mesmerized by the information he shared with Bill Moyers and the viewers.

Mercenary companies are gaining more power in our country and throughout the world. American and world freedoms are at stake. These companies have too much power. Eventually, I believe, these mercenary companies will control the American people. Our freedoms and rights will be taken away from us.

As I listened to the interview, I felt that I must draw closer to God. I also realized that God is my only hope. Actually, He is the only hope for Americans and world populations. God will not intervene in our decisions and so we will have to secure God through our efforts.

Blackwater and the religious right and various top federal officials are seeking Christian supremacy. The goal is to make Christianity the sole religion in the world. Endless wars over oil, a country’s natural resources, and a one world religion are not what God has intended for all His children. In heaven God’s mansion has many rooms. These rooms are not just for Christians.

When I listened to Jeremy Scahill, I felt that if I was not with God in heaven, I would have to spend eternity will all the nonsense that each of us face in our daily lives. Can you imagine spending eternity with the Blackwater mercenaries? The same nonsense would be experienced every day with no light at the end of the tunnel.

I pray daily for a merciful God. Only a merciful God will save me. Dear God, please be merciful when I stand before you on my Judgment Day.

Sincerely,
Gerald