Friday, January 11, 2008

FRIDAY FUNNIES





30 comments:

DEN said...

Mark Fiore

micki said...

Headline @ the Faux News website:

Bush Says U.S. Should Have Bombed WWII Death Camp During Holocaust Memorial Tour

Those we report, you decide guys have stupidly misplaced their modifiers!

Then again...do ya s'pose bu$h actually said that????????????

micki said...

Kucinich asks for recount in NH

Yesterday, I heard Thom Hartmann talk about the vote count in NH. His opinion is that there are no problems with how NH handled the count.

DEN said...

The 'little pipsqueak' needs to get over it already.

Dennis the Menace said...

Squeak, squeak, whine whine.

Alan said...

Yikes!

Report: Twins separated at birth got married

LONDON — Twins who were separated at birth got married without realizing they were brother and sister, a lawmaker said, urging more information be provided on birth certificates for adopted children.

A court annulled the British couple's union after they discovered their true relationship, Lord David Alton said.

"Everyone has a right to knowledge about their lineage, genealogy and identity. And if they don't, then it will lead to cases of incest," Alton told The Associated Press during a telephone interview today.

Alan said...

Lampson and Hutchinson have to beg and grovel for $2-billion for NASA while we waste that much weekly in Iraq

Bipartisan effort seeks $2 billion for NASA
Lawmakers fear retired shuttle, less funds mean reliance on Russia

In a show of bipartisan support, Republican Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison and Democratic Rep. Nick Lampson said Thursday they will try again this year to get an additional $2 billion in NASA funding to help close a five-year gap between the space shuttle's retirement and the maiden voyage of the Orion moon ship.

Alan said...

Lots of news articles to read today. There's "Giuliani senior staffers to forego January paychecks", "Scientists make stem cells without harming embryo", and how 'bout "Two Blackwater workers get probation for gun running".

DEN said...

Alan, looks like the 'crossing the freeway' survival rate ain't too good lately there in Houston.

Scrape, scrape.

DEN said...

Good joke:

I have 2 large dogs, and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

The woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

Duh!!?

On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes everywhere and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me?

I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to need help as he staggered to the door laughing.

DEN said...

Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

DEN said...

A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar.

She looked pretty darn HOT for 62. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him
if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter
threesome.

He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it.

So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes, says, "Tonight's your lucky night."

So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:

"Mom! You still awake?"

DEN said...

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us, Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

DEN said...

> LEARNING TO CUSS
> A 6 year-old and 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.
> "You know what?" says the 6 year-old.
> "I think it's about time we started cussing."
>
> The 4 Year-old nods his head in approval.
>
>! ; &nb sp; The 6 year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna
> say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass.'
>
> The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
>
> When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old
> what he wants for breakfast, he replies,
>
> "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
>
> WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets
> up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit,
> slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his
> room and shouts, "You can stay in there until I let you out."
>
> She then comes back downstairs, lo! oks a t the 4 year-old and asks
> with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
>
> "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it
> won't be Cheerios."

logged out again said...

LOL!

Ari Stotle said...

Philosophical Words of Wisdom

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

madelyn murray o'hair said...

As for cereal, you've probably all heard of the Nature's Path brand that includes, Optimum Zen.

Do you think Frosted Atheism Flakes would sell?

{ò,ó}arol said...

The world is so doomed!

India's Tata Motors unveils $2,500 car


NEW DELHI - India's Tata Motors today unveiled the world's cheapest car, bringing new mobility within the reach of tens of millions of people and nightmares to environmentalists, traffic engineers and safety advocates.

better late than never said...

When will global warming reach a political tipping point?

DEN said...

See how the cheap car fares against a quad cab ford diesel one ton dually head on.

Boink!

Get that peanut car out of the left lane buddy!!

carey said...

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Ken and Dan.



Den, that joke about the mother and the threesome. I can't stop laughing.

DEN said...

Late, when we are all gasping for air.

DEN said...

Bill Maher is on HBO right damn now for you viewers.

Writers not included.

micki said...

Oh, great...the 5-passenger Tata is targeted to the increasingly affluent Indians trading up from their motorcycles to a car amid an economic boom...which means there will be more Indians named "Mike" who will take your tech calls because Mike can drive four others to the tech center, taking more jobs from American workers.

They'll probably use a familiar slogan to sell the cute little polluter: HAVE YOU DRIVEN A TATA LATELY?

DEN said...

Isn't Globalization just wonderful?

micki said...

Regarding global warming, per the link above:

I'm not being flippant. If someone could come up with a neologism as a substitute for the word TAX as it relates to addressing the climate crisis, we would make progress on the political front.

When we were no longer referred to as citizens but morphed into taxpayers, as though it was a heavy burden, everything went into a cocked hat.

Americans claim to care about the environment, but they don't want it to cost anything to change their ways. Politicians know that.

So....here we are. We're fucked in the drive-thru.

micki said...

Yes, that joke, Den.

I laughed out loud and couldn't wait to tell it to Bill.

He gives you a ^5.

DEN said...

As the Friday Funnies wind down, it might be time to reflect upon some of life's lighter moments, where life is fun again and we can laugh.

DEN said...

~:-)

Carey said...

When we were no longer referred to as citizens but morphed into taxpayers, as though it was a heavy burden, everything went into a cocked hat.

Geez, the girl can write.