Friday, January 18, 2008

Friday Funnies





55 comments:

DEN said...

Huff! Puff! Wheeze!

Ida been here sooner but I had a gremlin in my sign on window watching my keystrokes.

Better go see where they are from,
I'll be back.

Meanwhile check out Mark Fiore

micki said...

bu$h plans to announce "principles" of economic stimulus package at 11:50 a.m. ET. To view live streaming video:

Take an anti-emetic beforehand

micki said...

JOHN EDWARDS wins this round!! -- Obama endorsed my conservative/right paper in Nevada

JOHN EDWARDS calls Obama out for invoking Reagan legacy as example of "change"

I, for one, am glad to see that this topic is getting some ink.

However, TNYT is a bit disingenuous in its lede -- The legacy of Ronald Reagan was invoked in the Democratic nominating race on Thursday when John Edwards attacked Senator Barack Obama for remarks he made to a Nevada newspaper suggesting praise for Reagan.

Huh? Obama brought the so-called Reagan legacy into play with his laudatory remarks -- and John Edwards responded. Edwards didn't not invoke the legacy. Nor did Edwards "attack" Obama, nor were Obama's remarks "suggesting" praise -- he friggin' praised Reagan!

micki said...

Oh, and another thing about this stooooopid, endless campaign.

How is Obama going to convincingly debate the GOPher nominee after praising Reagan? The GOP debates, so far, have been Reagan love fests.

Bad juju coming down the pike.

micki said...

OKAY, EVERYBODY READY?!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR BRANDON!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!



........and many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David B. Benson said...

Micki --- After 8(?) years of Bush and then 8 years of Clinton and then 8 more years of (another) Bush, I'd rather not have even 4 more years of another Clinton.

Time for a bigger change than that.

That said, Rodham would certainly be better, much better, than any Repug...

Gerald said...

Don't You Buy It

There are ways for the sons and daughters of the rich and powerful to avoid the military draft. The military draft will always be for the poor and the middle class.

Gerald said...

A Stupid Idea

To the A-Holes in the White House and Congress pass universal health care coverage.

When Hitler Bush came into office, the military budget was about $450 billion and another $50 or so billion under the tables. Now the military budget is $686 billion and another $150 billion under the table. Do you really feel any safer as you sleep in our self-righteous world created by our fuhrer?

Gerald said...

Bottom line-- there are no simple solutions for our problems. Attempting simple solutions will delay serious interventions that have a chance at succeeding.

Gerald said...

The Sham

Bend over here it comes again!!!!!

Gerald said...

THE RALLYING CRY OF THE POOR AND THE MIDDLE CLASS IS, "GIVE ME UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE COVERAGE OR GIVE ME DEATH!"

Gerald said...

Speaking from the Heart

Gerald said...

A Honest Look

micki said...

I'd rather have 4-8 years of Hillary Rodham Clinton than 4-8 years of any Repug, or Obama.

But, if Obama wins the nomination, I'll reluctantly vote for him.

Time will tell.

Go, John!

Gerald said...

This country needs a law that holds our elected representatives and public officials accountable for every expenditure of public money. The penalty for violating the public trust should be life with no parole and the liquidation of all personal assets to the public treasury. This would be a start.

micki said...

There won't be another bu$h -- unless the American people are stooooopidier than can be imagined.

Gerald said...

I would not oppose the military draft if Hitler Bush and Hitler Cheney were to be drafted and sent to the front of the line in Iraq.

Gerald said...

Someone said to me that a stupid American is born every 90 seconds. We will see the day when the Bush family is a monarchy in Nazi America.

Gerald said...

In Nazi England there is the House of Windsor and in Nazi America there will be the House of Bush!!!

MICKI said...

Dr. B -- You might want to "speak out" on these climate bills (WASHINGTON STATE)

ยบ¿carol said...

Life After People

Ooooo! I'm going to watch this! Monday 9:00 p.m. EST

David B. Benson said...

Micki --- Thanks, I sent an e-mail.

However, King Cola is still a player:

Coal industry plugs into campaign

Note that Edwards and Rodham both have something fairly sensible to say on this matter. Obama, on the other hand...

Gerald said...

FYI! Nazi America is sliding into a depression. The D word has been silent. Money is not there to back up our financial insurance. Plus, depressions are created to give more money to the rich and powerful. Happy days are here??? Unless Nazi America repents conditions will only get worse.

REPENT NAZI AMERICA FOR YOUR EVIL, VILE, AND WICKED WAYS, DEEDS, ACTIONS, AND BEHAVIORS!!!

Gerald said...

Quotable
Civilized society is perpetually menaced with disintegration through this primary hostility of men towards one another...
– Sigmund Freud

Gerald said...

Nazi America offers Nazi Americans more crap

micki said...

Obama, on the other hand...

That's because Obama the Orator is all talk, and not much substance -- HE STILL TALKS ABOUT CLEAN COAL!

micki said...

Carol -- I looked at the trailer @ your link.

I'm not sure we get The History Channel. I'll ask Bill.

Looks spooky.

Gerald said...

Happy Frankenstein Month!

Gerald said...

Shelley's Dr. Frankenstein built his monster out of body parts pilfered from corpses, and the monsters created by our reckless foreign policies also reek of the charnel house. Of course, in Shelley's novel, Frankenstein is tormented by guilt when he realizes what a horror he has unwittingly unleashed on the world, and he tries desperately to undo the damage he's done. There might be some lessons here for the White House.

micki said...

Shelley's Dr. Frankenstein built his monster out of body parts pilfered from corpses, and the monsters created by our reckless foreign policies also reek of the charnel house. Of course, in Shelley's novel, Frankenstein is tormented by guilt when he realizes what a horror he has unwittingly unleashed on the world, and he tries desperately to undo the damage he's done. There might be some lessons here for the White House.

micki said...

Wow -- I went to Gerald's link and now I notice I picked out the same graf as he did to highlight the article!

I hope it's not contagious, Gerald! :-))

Gerald said...

Give me your broken legs, torn rotatot cuffs, and maimed soldiers and we will send them into war

David B. Benson said...

Micki --- If the History Channel version is unavailable, there is always the book on which it is based...

Gerald said...

Micki, repeating the articles and stories about our misguided country is reinforcement that I hope will sink into Nazi American brains.

Gerald said...

Nazi America to remain in Iraq for at least a century - I predict

Gerald said...

More Daily War Crimes

micki said...

I'm reading too many other books right now.

In fact, one of them is a re-read -- I got "Grass Beyond the Mountains" from the library the other day.

Reading it jogged my memory -- the horse I rode in the Chilcotin was named "Crop Ear" -- nicknamed "Croppy." There's a "Crop Ear" in the book.

micki said...

Besides...truthfully, I don't much care for that genre...movies or books.

Maybe the trailer was enough, now that I think about it.

micki said...

I just took this poll @ Barbara Box's invitation

..the question is what's your most important issue. I chose global warming/environment.

Interesting -- at the time I took the poll, here were the results:

24% global warming/environment
20% Iraq
16% Civil liberties
12% healthcare
11% Economy & jobs
3% energy independence
2% education
0% reproductive freedom
0% terrorism

micki said...

Boxer

micki said...

...babbling here.

Bill informs me we don't get The History Channel anyway.

Gerald said...

Iraq War Is a Betrayal of American Democracy

micki said...

Quote of the Day


"If McCain gets the nomination, I don't know what I'll do. I might have to sit this one out."

** Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, under indictment in Texas.

**********
Maybe he'll be sitting it out in prison?

David B. Benson said...

Blue Moon crafts a beer made from white wheat and oats and spiced (if that is the right word) with orange peel and coriander.

It's quite good indeed and also more affordable just now than beers made with hops.

DEN said...

>
>
> Three little boys were concerned
>
> Because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
>
> They decided it was because they had not been
> baptized
>
> And didn't go to Sunday School .
>
> So they went to the nearest Church.
>
> But, only the Janitor was there
>
> One little boy said,
>
> 'We need to be baptized
>
> Because no one will come out and play with us.
>
> Will you baptize us?'
>
> 'Sure,' said the Janitor.
>
> He took them into the bathroom
>
> And dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
>
> One at a time.
>
> Then he said, 'You are now baptized!'
>
> When they got outside,
>
> One of them asked,
>
> 'What religion do you think we are?'
>
> The oldest one said,
>
> 'We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on
> you.'
>
> 'We're not Babtits, because they dunk all of you in
> the water.'
>
> 'We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle
> water on you.'
>
> The littlest one said,
>
> 'Didn't you smell that water?!'
>
> They all joined in asking,
>
> 'Yeah! What do you think that means?'
>
>
> 'I think it means we're Pisscopailians.
>
>

DEN said...

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, it ain't Bubba.'

The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, 'There's Bubba with them two assholes.'

DEN said...

Deep Thoughts :-}

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they
are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" .. But
it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried
in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we
figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like
every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then
put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you
naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there
a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a
radio out of a coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on
all fours? They're both
dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little
Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside
the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his
head out the window?

DEN said...

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse. Standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians
who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf; and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time. Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

DEN said...

Yes ladies and gentlemen it has been a comedy extravaganza here at DWF, glad you stopped by to visit.

Better go test the beverages.

Jeanne said...

Happy Birthday Brandon!!!!! and many more.

Man I hate the cold. It's -5 right now. Den, don't you just miss it?

micki said...

Jeanne, brrrrrrrrrr...just hearing -5 gives me the shivers. Minnesota is colder than much of Alaska!

Jeanne, of the warm heart, has built in energy.

micki said...

Better go test the beverages.

Let us know if you pass the test. :-)

Enjoy!

DEN said...

Jeanne, Surely you jest.

When I left Duluth in 1984 it was -80 with the wind chill.

Bundle up!

DEN said...

Through the teeth and around the gums, lookout stomach here it comes!

A toast then,

To good times & better friends!!!

DEN said...

better quit, my spell checker is overheating.........*hic*.......