Friday, June 20, 2008

Friday Funnies







.

38 comments:

DEN said...

Mark Fiore

DEN said...

"In a recent interview, President Bush said that he might not be the last President Bush if his brother, Jeb, decides to run. Yeah, when he heard this, Jeb said, 'Please stop reminding everyone we're related. Shut up!'" --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton in the news. This week, Hillary Clinton posted a slideshow of campaign photos on her website, but none of the pictures show Bill Clinton. Yeah. Bill said, 'That's okay, none of the websites I go to have pictures of Hillary.'" --Conan O'Brien

"This week, residents of a Romanian village decided to reelect their dead mayor rather than vote for the younger man running against him. Yeah, when he heard about it, John McCain said, 'That's a good sign.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama says that he will visit Iraq, or as John McCain still calls it, Mesopotamia. ... Barack Obama announced this week he'll visit Iraq and Afghanistan before the election in November. He said he wants to see an area that's been overrun by violent extremists. So, sounds like he already misses his old church." --Jay Leno

"And former Vice President Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama. Have you seen Al Gore lately? I think his last endorsement was Stove Top stuffing, if I'm not mistaken." --Jay Leno

"At the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Al Gore endorsed Barack Obama, and a number of women fainted during Barack's speech. Not from the speech, it's just Al Gore turned the air conditioning down. You know, global warming." --Jay Leno

"Well, a new poll shows that less than 1 out of 4 Americans now think President Bush is doing a good job. 1 in 4. So that means when President Bush is having dinner with his wife and two daughters, he's the only one at the table that thinks he's doing a good job." --Jay Leno

"President Bush says he plans to publish a book once he leaves the White House. We have an advanced copy here. This won't be out till January. It's 'Iraq on $100 Million a Day.' It's a travel book." --Jay Leno

"Well, as you know, gay marriage now legal here in California. Well, you know who I feel sorry for now in Los Angeles? Single women. I mean, now all the good men are married and gay." --Jay Leno

"Congratulations to the NBA champion Boston Celtics. Last night, they beat the Los Angeles Lakers by 39 points. Or as Hillary Clinton would say, 'Too close to call.'" --Craig Ferguson

"John McCain revealed his energy plan today. He wants to build 45 nuclear reactors. I think it's a good idea. We'll need that extra power to get him up and down the stairs." --Craig Ferguson

"Nation, it's no secret that one of John McCain's biggest challenges as a candidate is distinguishing himself from President Bush. I'm not sure why he's so eager to spurn the president's supporters. I mean, that's walking away from almost 29% of the American electorate, and nearly half of the Bush children [on screen: a photo of Jenna Bush, along with an article that suggests she may not vote Republican in the upcoming election]. But he's so different from Bush already. The only issues they agree on are education, immigration, Iraq, abortion, Supreme Court judges, Social Security, tax breaks for the wealthy, wire-tapping, trade, health care, the Middle East, same-sex marriage and Medicare." --Stephen Colbert

"Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama for president. How about that? Political experts say this is great, because it gives the Obama campaign a much-needed shot of boredom." --David Letterman

"Al Gore. Think about it. If he endorses you, you're getting an endorsement from a guy who has received an Academy Award, received a Grammy, and the Nobel Prize. Oh, and Gore also won a competitive eating contest." --David Letterman

"And now, of course, going head-to-head you have Barack Obama and John McCain. They're already putting together debates. Here's how it will be. Barack Obama says after each question, he wants a one-minute response. And John McCain says after each question he wants a five-minute nap. That's the way that's going to go down." --David Letterman

"Barack Obama's staff and John McCain's staff are busy now negotiating when the presidential debates will take place. That's good, yeah. Yeah, Obama wants them to be in September, and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before 'Wheel of Fortune.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of Barack Obama, yesterday, Barack Obama said, if he becomes president, he will replace the White House bowling alleys because it's something he would never use. That's what he said, yeah. Yeah, apparently, this is the same reason President Bush got rid of the White House library." --Conan O'Brien

"This weekend, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton will be attending the same conference in Florida. Yeah, they're going to be going to the same conference. Yeah, the conference is sponsored by the National Association of Men Who've Been Attacked by Hillary Clinton." --Conan O'Brien

"Gay marriage is now legal in California and yesterday, a lesbian couple who are 83 and 87 years old got married. Witnesses are describing the ceremony as 'beautiful' - and the honeymoon as 'horrifying.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Gay marriage now legal here in California. In fact, you hear who got married today in San Francisco? Rice and Roni. Yeah, finally got married." --Jay Leno

"It's already having a ripple effect, this gay marriage thing. In fact, since it was instituted yesterday, marriage proposals to Liza Minnelli have dropped 65 percent." --Jay Leno

"Some say gay marriage will soon be an everyday event as common as, like, a Pamela Anderson marriage." --Jay Leno

"Well, you see, unlike Massachusetts, California has no residency requirement for marriage, so a lot of gays from out of state can come here and get married. In fact, if you're gay, and you can prove you're in the country illegally, they'll not only give you a gay marriage license, they'll give you a California driver's license." --Jay Leno

"And Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa announced he will happily perform gay weddings. And believe me, if you know our mayor, you know how seriously he takes those wedding vows." --Jay Leno

"And in political news, Barack Obama was endorsed by Al Gore at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit yesterday. I tell you something, you could feel the excitement in the room. It was unbelievable. And then Al Gore walked in." --Jay Leno

"And a New York congressman by the name of Anthony Weiner has introduced a bill to grant immigrant visas to supermodels that want to come here. See, this will clear up the problem of supermodels hanging out in front of Home Depot all day looking for work." --Jay Leno

"Hey, remember Elian Gonzalez, the Cuban boy that came here and then was sent back home? Well, he's now 14 years old and has joined Cuba's Young Communist Union, which is the second most popular organization for Cubans to join, after the New York Yankees." --Jay Leno

"In a recent interview, President Bush acknowledged that he has had some regrets about his presidency. He says you don't get a second chance to do things over in his line of work. Really? What was that second term all about? Wasn't that supposed to be the chance to fix all this?" --Jay Leno

DEN said...

There, if that does not cheer you up, there is no hope for ya.

DEN said...

Lying weasels are arguing warrant-less wiretapping in The House of Reprehensibles on C-Span.

micki said...

It'll be interesting to see how the vote goes on the telcom immunity bill. Assuming it clears the House, I wonder if McCain and Obama will show up to vote in the Senate. Or will they "take cover" on the campaign trail?

micki said...

Oops. I didn't mean to imply that the overhaul of FISA is all about telcom immunity.

I meant only that the "debate" seems to be dominated by that separate question of immunity -- which is a biggie!

micki said...

Very low cloud cover last evening.

Nothing to report on that matter.

DEN said...

Mega lyin-ass bullshit chimp!

From McClatchy:

Posted on Friday, June 20, 2008

White House asserts executive privilege in California case
By Rob Hotakainen | McClatchy Newspapers

WASHINGTON — Setting up a constitutional showdown, the White House on Friday asserted executive privilege in denying a request to turn over thousands of pages of documents sought by Congress as part of an investigation involving California's air-quality standards.

"I don't think we've had a situation like this since Richard Nixon was president," said California Democratic Rep. Henry Waxman, chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.

Waxman canceled a contempt vote that had been scheduled Friday morning against Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Stephen Johnson and White House official Susan Dudley after the White House informed him of their last-minute decision. The two have refused to turn over subpoenaed documents to Waxman’s panel.

President Bush sought advice from Attorney General Michael Mukasey before making his decision.

"The Office of Legal Counsel is satisfied that the subpoenaed documents fall within the scope of executive privilege," Mukasey said in a letter to Bush, which was released by Republicans on the committee.

Waxman said that Johnson and Dudley wanted to approve a waiver sought by California officials to strengthen the state's air-quality standards, only to have Bush overrule them.

"There are thousands of internal White House documents that would show whether the president and his staff acted lawfully," Waxman said. "But the president has said they must be kept from Congress and the public."

Waxman said the committee will investigate the matter further before deciding how to proceed.

"We will not abandon this matter."

Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, a member of the committee, said Bush has demonstrated a contempt of Congress and abused his power. He reiterated his call to impeach the president, saying it's the only way the administration can be held accountable by Congress.

"Can the government be clean if the air is not?" Kucinich asked.
...................................

Run the bastards out of DC, tar and feather their asses like the traitors they are!

DEN said...

Must see video from Wexler at todays hearing.

DEN said...

I am smokin mad at these so-called leaders that have shammed their way to war and torture and it is damn well time someone took the bull(shit) by the horns and threw the weasels in the Graybar Hotel for a long, long, time.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

DEN said...

Dear Den,

For many months now, the Leahy for Vermont community and online activists everywhere have urged Congress to fix FISA the right way: by passing a bill that protects both our national security and our civil liberties. Together, we have had a huge impact on this debate, calling for legislation that protects Americans from the Bush-Cheney Administration's relentless assault on the Constitution, and we should be extremely proud of these efforts.

But after months of negotiations, the House today unveiled a new FISA bill that I cannot support. While I applaud the fact that this legislation includes some of the important surveillance protections we wrote into the Senate Judiciary Committee bill last year, it fails to hold the Bush-Cheney Administration accountable for its illegal wiretapping program.

I will oppose this new FISA bill when the Senate votes on it next week. We must do everything we can to protect Americans from the Bush-Cheney Administration's erosion of our civil liberties and callous disregard for the rule of law -- and this new FISA bill fails that test.

Thank you for all that you have done -- and all you will continue to do -- to help America protect our security while honoring our core values and respecting our fundamental rights. As the Supreme Court wrote in its habeas decision last week, "Security subsists, too, in fidelity to freedom's first principles."

Sincerely,

Patrick Leahy
U.S. Senator
...................................

Well it flew through the House of Reprehensibles, good luck stopping it in the Senate unless someone grows a set real quick.

Don't hold your breath.

.

David B. Benson said...

G90088 Moody Creek Jun 2, 2008 Modified Response 5,300.00 58° 35.000 127° 07.000

is a wildfire of about 15,100 acres in northern British Columbia for which 'modified response' means, at least, it is not out.

So that is probably the source of the yellow-brown color to the air the last few late evenings. It seems to be slowly dissipating.

Very strange appearance to the sky, not like more local forest fires. At first I thought it was 'brown haze' from Asia.

Well, that well may be coming to the air near you in the not-too-distant future.

David B. Benson said...

Next US floods: central California

Man vs. Nature: No Contest

Carey said...

Den,

Good thing you have the weekend to assuage that anger. Hard not to be boiling mad all the time.

It helps when it's hot, to stay angry I mean.

So Obama and Clinton are doing a joint-campaign event next week! Goodie!

McCain is suffering, I'm sure you've all noticed. His mental capacity has slipped, methinks due to hastened aging and damage brought on by his prison years. Running for President doesn't help keep him young, that's for sure. He's reminding me of Reagan in his earlier years just as he was developing Alzheimers. McCain's slipping up quite often.

micki said...

Go to salon.com and see THE RAGE AT OBAMA!

He's a sellout on FISA -- he supports the bill, but "will work to rectify (or some damned word) the telcom immunity" blah blah blah.

Man oh man. Fuck him and his horse. I thought I could hold my nose and vote for him in November, but not now!!!!!!!

And, I don't care if "it's politically necessary" to be a hypocritical asshole to get elected.

If he can't even uphold our rights as a candidate, what the hell will he do as president?

The DNC can have the creep!

micki said...

I also found myself agreeing with David Brooks in TNYT today.

Gawdalmighty!

micki said...

THE TWO OBAMAS -- David Brooks

Carey said...

Both candidates are voting "yes" on the FISA "compromise".

Hmmm. It does essentially confer immunity, not only to the corps, but guess who else?

Carey said...

Dr. David,

What was supposed to be in the sky? I checked till darkness--nothing different.

micki said...

The summation graf to Obama's statement supporting the FISA COMPROMISE (Read: capitulation):

....It is not all that I would want. But given the legitimate threats we face, providing effective intelligence collection tools with appropriate safeguards is too important to delay. So I support the compromise, but do so with a firm pledge that as President, I will carefully monitor the program, review the report by the Inspectors General, and work with the Congress to take any additional steps I deem necessary to protect the lives -- and the liberty -- of the American people.

DEN said...

Corn was on Hardball, he has become Pundit. Would he be a Cornball?

Drum roll please.

Also,
527's and the lack thereof proves they(repugs)are up to something, you can bet it is no good.

David B. Benson said...

Julius Caesar Obama?

micki said...

Here's the reality of Obama's "thinking" on FISA and how it would work:

What the "compromise" basically does is if G. Gordon Liddy had a directive (note) from Richard Nixon saying that tapping the Democratic Nat'l Committee offices was legal, then Liddy would be immune from prosecution.

"If the president says it's legal, then it's legal..."

David B. Benson said...

Carey --- Thank you for looking!

I now suspect it is haze from a Britsh Columbia forest fire.

Then again, it might just be increased smog from Bellingham creeping over the mountains. :-)

David B. Benson said...

I do hope you inform your senators in no uncertain terms...

micki said...

Julius Caesar Obama, indeed!

Obama, now that he thinks he has the presidency in the bag, is willing to deal a serious blow to our nation's system of checks and balances.

This amendment to the original FISA weakens our courts' ability to oversee the spy program. Domestic spy programs will be the law of the land.

Violations of the law will be deemed legal as long as they are ordered by the president.

If this passes the Senate next week (which it will), Nixon's view of the executive branch will be ratified by the Congress. If the president orders it, it is law.

micki said...

Dr. B -- Don't blame Bellingham for the poor air quality. (Well, Cherry Point in Ferndale might play a role in it, come to think of it.)

But, farms, industrial operations, cars and other sources contribute to high levels of ozone in the Fraser River Valley of British Columbia.

We can look north to the Canadian Cascades and the Fraser Valley out our kitchen window and see that the air quality is going gerstucken on summer days.

Air masses containing ozone stall in the valley because of a bowl effect. The ozone- laden air is eventually pushed out and transported south down the tributary valleys of the Fraser River into Whatcom County and the North Cascades National Park (which is located in Whatcom County).

It's pretty icky.

David B. Benson said...

Yeah, Micki, its all the fault of those Canukes!

54--40 or fight!

David B. Benson said...

Den --- Yes, This will help you breathe easy...

:-)

Carey said...

Hold on kemosabe. I'm not planning a trip down that kind of road about Obama. Kind of a negative frame of mind I find.

Yes, that's pretty much to be expected from Salon.

Did I mention that Clinton and Obama are holding a joint campaign event next week?

I'm off to enjoy a summer's eve with son.

micki said...

Whatever my frame of mind, his statement is not a profile in courage.

That he's having a joint campaign event with Hillary is irrelevant. He's the candidate. She isn't.

He's the candidate who promised to be a different kind of politician. He's the one who promised "change we could believe in."

Frankly, I'm glad I didn't get on his bandwagon.

I feel betrayed enough as it is.

micki said...

Dr. B, I'm not blaming the Canadians. Just pointing out that the "bowl" of the Fraser Valley is conducive to stalling bad air and then letting it loose and it comes our way.

Oh, no...we're all complicit.

micki said...

THE NATION pointed out Obama's silence on FISA (before he released his statement

So, it's not just Salon.

micki said...

Yeah, I'm really, really pissed about this FISA thing and I'm not likely to STFU about it -- even the Black Caucus doesn't like it.

Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers also voted NO, along with most of the Congressional Black Caucus. That's not hard to understand why.

As Rep. Barbara Lee said today: "This bill scares me to death and I urge a no-vote," said Rep. Barbara Lee (D-CA), co-chair of the House's Progressive Caucus.

She compared the bill to the era of former FBI head J. Edgar Hoover. "We already remember how Dr. [Martin Luther] King and his family were the victims of the government's most shameless wiretapping. We must never go down this road again."

micki said...

TALKING POINTS MEMO -- Why Obama's Support for FISA Cave-in is such a downer

micki said...

NAY VOTES ON THIS TRAVESTY:

Abercrombie
Allen
Andrews
Baldwin
Becerra
Blumenauer
Brady (PA)
Braley (IA)
Capps
Capuano
Carnahan
Carson
Clarke
Clay
Cohen
Conyers
Costello
Courtney
Cummings
Davis (CA)
Davis (IL)
DeFazio
DeGette
Delahunt
DeLauro
Dingell
Doggett
Doyle
Edwards (MD)
Ellison
Eshoo
Farr
Fattah
Filner
Foster
Frank (MA)
Gonzalez
Grijalva
Hall (NY)
Hare
Hill
Hinchey
Hirono
Hodes
Holt
Honda
Hooley
Inslee
Israel
Jackson (IL)
Jackson-Lee (TX)
Jefferson
Johnson (GA)
Johnson (IL)
Johnson, E. B.
Jones (OH)
Kagen
Kaptur
Kennedy
Kilpatrick
Kucinich
Larsen (WA)
Larson (CT)
Lee
Levin
Lewis (GA)
Loebsack
Lofgren, Zoe
Lynch
Maloney (NY)
Markey
Matsui
McCollum (MN)
McDermott
McGovern
McNulty
Meek (FL)
Michaud
Miller (NC)
Miller, George
Mollohan
Moore (WI)
Moran (VA)
Murphy (CT)
Nadler
Napolitano
Neal (MA)
Oberstar
Obey
Olver
Pallone
Pascrell
Pastor
Payne
Price (NC)
Rangel
Rothman
Roybal-Allard
Ryan (OH)
Sánchez, Linda T.
Sanchez, Loretta
Sarbanes
Schakowsky
Schwartz
Scott (VA)
Serrano
Shea-Porter
Slaughter
Solis
Speier
Sutton
Thompson (CA)
Tierney
Towns
Tsongas
Udall (NM)
Van Hollen
Velázquez
Walz (MN)
Wasserman Schultz
Waters
Watson
Watt
Waxman
Weiner
Welch (VT)
Wexler
Woolsey
Wu

Jeanne said...

I love the Tim Russert cartoon.

So...I'm hearing that poor /Gov Tim Pawlenty (MN) is getting no VP feedback from the McCain people. Shucks. They probably came to MN and figured out we can't stand Pawlenty and if you can't swing MN with him what's the point?

Jeanne said...

By the way, Micki, I'm with you on the FISA thing. And I don't want you to shut the...I mean STFU about it.